Tag: paul of tarsus

Steve "rubber" Jobsie says use iPhone 4 contrareception

Apple supremo Steve Jobs came back from his holiday in Hawaii to tell the world and its dog what his company is going to do about the problem with a telephone that’s turned into a PR disaster.

Jobs said Apple wants every customer to be happy and if Apple can’t make people happy, Apple will give every customer its money back.

Apple can’t make enough bumpers to solve the antenna problem so it’s going to offer a choice of cases instead that will be available at the end of next week.

Apple “loves its users” and tries “very hard to surprise and delight them”.

It certainly surprised some of  them by supplying a phone that didn’t work properly. All phones have problems, said Jobs. But some phones have more problems than others.

In technical terms, the iPhone 4 drops more calls than the 3GS because, for crying out loud, it doesn’t use a case. Apple cares about every user.

Jobs said the problem has been “blown out of proportion”. Interesting – he’s blaming the media again. Apple is extremely good at blowing things out of proportion itself.  Jobs laid into Bloomberg big time, apparently, describing the august news organisation as a crock.

Jobs got all whingy and said that when anyone or any organisations gets really successful, people want to destroy it. Reports RCR Wireless. Jobs said, according to RCR “When you love your customers as much as we do, nothing’s off the table”. Or the iTable, presumably.

All smartphones have weaknesses, claimed Jobs. But some smartphones are obviously weaker than others. There really isn’t a problem.

Apple will introduce the iPhone 4 to 17 more countries at the end of July. He didn’t say whether contrareception aids will be supplied in the shops.

The case continues. Apple shares were up on the news.

The world+dog waits for Apple's iPhone 4 press conference

Shareholders and financial people are hoping that Apple will pull a rabbit out of a hat this afternoon when it holds a press conference on the broken iPhone 4.

While it would be common sense to have a product recall for the phone which does not work in the left hand, few people realise how incredibly unlikely that would be.

Not only are the logistics of recalling the broken phone huge, there is the even bigger problem that Apple will have to admit that Steve Jobs was wrong.  This is of course a religious impossibility.  It is a bit like Moses saying the first commandment allowed the worship of lots of gods or Paul of Tarsus saying that women were equals.

Jobs said that the broken phone was a “non-issue” so therefore Apple’s handling of the broken phone has to reflect that.  Even if it is the biggest issue that Jobs’ Mob has had to face.

Otherwise people would start to think that Jobs does not love the those dumb enough to buy his expensive gismos.  They might also think that he can’t design phones, and may not want them any more.  Apple’s attempts to fudge an answer with a software fix which makes the signal display give more accurate readings did not work. So Steve Jobs is going to have to come up with something pretty good.

It has been suggested that Jobs will issue cheap rubber bands (cost 50 cents) to users who “think they might be experiencing a problem”.

This seems the most logical thing to do as it sort of fixes the problem while at the same time not actually requiring much in the way of cash or the eating of humble pie.  Humble pie is not something that Steve’s liver can handle.  The other problem with issuing rubber bands is that the idea that a high tech phone needs a cheap rubber band for it to run properly is not really a good selling point.

Other rumours are that Steve might announce a price drop for the broken phone early.  This would have the effect of distracting the tame Apple press which would then churn out nonsense about how cheap the phone is and forget all about it being broken.

Gizmodo points out that this last idea is unlikely as Jobs has desided too hold his press conference on a Friday.  You never announce news that you want to be seen as good on a Friday because people are not around over the weekend to digest it.  Indeed Friday is a “bad news” day.
It is clear also that Apple has to do something to “fix” the problem. Not only is the share price falling but a a US Senator has demanded a permanent fix.

New York Senator, Charles Schumer, has written to Jobs demanding that he properly explain the cause of the antenna problems and issue a permanent fix.

Even Microsoft is having a good laugh at Jobs’ expense. As we reported yesterday, Microsoft’s chief operating officer Kevin Turner told Microsoft’s Worldwide Partner Conference yesterday that Windows Phone 7, due for release later this year, would not be afflicted by reception problems.
But then again Windows 7 mobile is software not hardware.

The great man himself, who actually ordered the design as a selling point because it looked nice, is unlikely to show up to the press conference.

Valleywag reports he escaped to a Hawaii resort with his family and cannot be contacted.  We guess there is poor iPhone reception there.