Tag: cook

Apple blesses Brexit

apple-cultFruity tax-dodging cargo-cult’s supreme dalek Tim Cook told UK PM Theresa May that he was optimistic about Britain’s future after it leaves the European Union.

Cook met May at Downing Street and said he thought the UK would be “just fine” outside the European Union.

Last year, Apple said it was moving its London headquarters to the landmark Battersea Power Station, a move that was hailed by the government as a sign that major firms are still investing after the Brexit vote.

Of course, as far as Apple is concerned there is the small matter of having an English-speaking country which is free to negotiate over the troubling matter of the Jobs’ Mob paying its tax. European countries tend to have to answer to Brussels if they offer the sort of sweeteners that Apple likes.

Cook turns into broken record over EU fine

tim-cook-apple-ceoThe Grand Pooh-Bah of the fruity cargo cult, Tim Cook has dismissed his outfit’s huge European fine as “political crap”.

For those who came in late, Apple was hit by a $14.5 billion back tax bill this week by the European Union.

Cook claimed that the problem was not that Apple had paid less than one percent of its stonking profits to the Irish government and funnelled all its European profits though its dodgy Irish bank account.

“No one did anything wrong here and we need to stand together. Ireland is being picked on and this is unacceptable. It’s total political crap,” he moaned.

Instead, claimed Cook, Apple was being targeted because the EU was “anti-American”.  In other words this was only happening because this was an American company helping to make America Great again. European’s should consider yourself lucky that you are even allowed to buy American goods in your backward European bloc.  All that was lacking was for him to burst into a few bars of the Star Spangled Banner while smearing a good wholesome Apple pie on his private parts while moaning that if it was not for America everyone in Europe would be speaking German.

However, this is not the first time that Cook has used the phrase “total political crap” and waded into a government for insisting that Apple pay what it owes.  However, in that case it was the glorious USA he was moaning about.  In an interview with Charlie Rose on 60 Minutes in December, Cook complained that the US Tax Code was made for the industrial age, not the digital age.

“ It’s backwards. It’s awful for America. It should have been fixed many years ago. It’s past time to get it done, he moaned

Charlie Rose pointed out that a government inquiry had found that Apple was engaged in a sophisticated scheme to pay little or no corporate taxes on $74 billion in revenues held overseas.

Tim Cook replied: “That is total political crap. There is no truth behind it. Apple pays every tax dollar we owe.”

Does this sound familiar? It seems that whenever Cook is cornered about tax he starts screaming about “political crap” and how Apple pays what it owes.  Yet underlying the whole thing is that Apple is found not to be paying what it owes.

It is as if Cook is really an iRobot programmed to shout “political crap” and repeat a mantra “Apple pays what it owes” whenever a government has the gall to ask Jobs’ Mob to be a responsible corporate citizen.

Cook told the newspaper in an interview he would work closely with Ireland to try to overturn the decision and said the US tech giant was committed to its operations in Ireland.  We guess that is because the Irish politicians do what they are told and don’t ask more than the single percent tax Apple is prepared to pay.


Tim Cook to tell Chinese to stop mucking Apple about

Kenneth-WilliamFruity cargo cult leader Tim Cook has had enough of the Chinese government mucking his company about and is going over there himself to tell them how they are supposed to behave.

The Chinese have been downright rude to Apple lately and forbidden them to run their Apple music and other entertainment packages. Cook wants to tell them that being a government they have to do what Apple tells them – just like the American government does.

Cook is going to Beijing later this month to meet high-level government officials. He often goes to China but things are starting to look a little dire for Apple behind the Bamboo curtain so these talks are a little more important.

The Chinese are no longer buying as many iPhones, and the outfit can’t even win a court case over the trademark for the Apple name. But the biggest deal is the suspension of some of its online entertainment services.

All this is making people think that Apple has run out of ideas and will no longer continue to make funny money by charging more for less.  Last week, billionaire activist investor Carl Icahn flogged his entire stake in Apple, citing China’s economic slowdown and worries about whether the government could make it very difficult for Apple to conduct business.

Cook plans to meet senior government and Communist Party leaders, including officials in charge of propaganda. It is not clear what he will tell them.

Under President Xi Jinping, China is also trying to shift away from its dependence on foreign technology, especially in critical sectors like banking and insurance. Foreign businesses have staunchly opposed new regulations that they say threaten to cut them out of such industries.

Apple’s refusal provide source code to help them crack open the iPhone that was linked to a mass shooting in San Bernardino has made the Chinese think the company might try the same antics with them.  In China, Apple claims it has been asked by authorities in the last two years to hand over its source code but the company refused.  If this is true then it is hard to see why Apple is still operating in China at all.


Tim Cook earned $10.3 million in 2015

tim-cook-apple-ceoAs shareholders saw Apple’s value plummet in 2015, they will no doubt be relieved to see that the company’s CEO, Tim Cook earned $10.3 million for his efforts.

As far as Apple is concerned, Cook did extremely well during a trying time.  Despite not having a product that was noticeably different from previous years, having its “game changing” tablet disappear, entry into the wearable and television market being a disaster and leaning on a smartphone when no one wanted them any more, Cook made the company profits rise by 35 percent.

This meant that his money rose 11.5 percent to $10.3 million in 2015. The company shares fell for the first time since 2008 and are now below $100 each.

To be fair Cook was the lowest-paid of the company’s top executives. Chief Financial Officer Luca Maestri’s annual compensation rose about 81 percent to $25.3 million in 2015.  Angela Ahrendts, the senior vice president for retail and online stores, was the highest paid, with a total pay package of $25.8 million

Cook’s base pay increased about 14.4 percent to $2 million last year, while non-equity incentive compensation rose about 19 percent to $8 million, according to a regulatory filing.

The Tame Apple Press is claiming that Apple’s senior executives are worth every penny and shareholders have nothing to worry about.  The fact that shares are falling because no one wants to buy the iPhone 6s is nothing to worry about, apparently.

Remember that Cook suffers too if the share price goes down. He holds 3.1 million Apple shares that have not vested yet.

The shares are expected to vest between August 2016 and August 2021.


Cook says making Apple pay tax is “political crap”

Databroker_scrooge_mcduck-346x260The spiritual and temporal head of the Apple cargo cult, Tim Cook is gravely insulted at moves to make his religion pay tax.

Cook dismissed as “total political crap” the idea that the tech giant was avoiding taxes despite the fact that it is hiding rather a lot of dosh in tax havens.

Apple saves billions of dollars in taxes through subsidiaries in Ireland, where it declares much of its overseas profit.

Cook told the CBS’ 60 Minutes show that Jobs’ Mob pays every tax dollar it owed, at least in Ireland. He admitted that he never bought the money back to the US because it would cost him 40 percent of the money it bought back.

Instead of helping the US economy with “trickle down” effects from Apple’s staggering wealth. Cook thinks it is much better to sit on a large pile in Ireland, while the US cuts back money on food stamps, welfare and its kids are so badly educated they believe that solar panels suck up all the sun’s energy.

The Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations probed Apple’s tax strategies and found that Apple in 2012 alone avoided paying $9 billion in US taxes, using a strategy involving three offshore units with no discernible tax home, or “residence.”

Apple holds $181.1 billion in offshore profits, more than any other US company, and would owe an estimated $59.2 billion in taxes if it tried to bring the money back to the United States, a recent study based on SEC filings showed.

So it might be political crap, but it is also true.

Apple’s Cook promotes Jeff Williams to inner circle

mantleApple has promoted long-time executive Jeff Williams to the role of chief operating officer – a job once held by Chief Executive Tim Cook, indicating he might be a number two.

The job was once seen as being the role of the heir apparent who takes over the job of Apple Messiah when the company leader is called to the last upgrade.

Williams joined Apple in 1998 and was the man who gave humanity the much-hyped much-delayed failure the Apple Watch, the company’s first new product since the iPad.

In charge of the iPhone maker’s supply chain, and service and support operations, he also looked after the company’s social responsibility initiatives.

Cook said in a statement that Jeff was the best operations executive he had ever worked with.

Williams’ job puts him into the elite inner circle in Apple which includes chief design officer Jony Ive. What is different is that he has the CEO’s old job title and was trained by Cook.

Sources inside Apple said that it was not a clear signal that Williams was going to be Cook’s successor, but then they would anyway.  In any event, Cook does not seem ready to be climbing on any chariots of fire yet.

Cynics suggest that he is playing a slightly Machiavellian game to keep its inner circle on its toes.

Apple will expand the responsibilities of global marketing chief Phil Schiller to include leading the Apple App Store.

The reshuffle allows Eddy Cue, Apple’s senior vice president of Internet software and services, to focus on deals. Apple has not been doing very well lately as its television operations failed because the music industry is no longer rolling over and doing what it is told.

Tor Myhren, chief creative officer of advertising agency Grey New York will join Apple as vice president of marketing communications in the first quarter of 2016.


Cook will not cross a Macbook and an iPad

tim-cook-apple-ceoThe Grand Mufti of the Apple Cargo Cult, Tim Cook has pronounced that Apple will never cross a Macbook with an iPad, for that is an abomination against the will of Jobs.

Talking to the Independent,  Cook spake and said that a converted MacBook and iPad would have to make too many compromises.

Cook wants to build the best iPad and MacBook possible and while the gap between the iPad and MacBook has shrunk, this gives customers the best possible productivity experience on both platforms.

This comment might seem a little odd given that Cook said nobody should buy a PC anymore, because the iPad offers enough performance to become a daily driver. This is despite the fact that the Tablet market has been failing for the last eight quarters.

Curiously Cook’s ability to see what is before his eyes is not that good. He claimed that Microsoft’s latest hybrid, the Surface Book, isn’t impressive, even though his Mac Book Pro is a more expensive knock off of it.

The iPad Pro is pretty much a hybrid anyway. The 12.9-inch tablet comes with a pen and keyboard, and apparently has the CPU performance of the MacBook Air and the GPU performance of a MacBook Pro. The only major difference is it runs iOS rather than OS X.

Hybrids are shaping up to be the next big thing, so it looks like Apple is not planning to be a “game change,” when not until Cook changes his mind enters the market late and claims to have invented the technology.

You Canute be serious Cook!

King CanuteThe cult power of Apple to turn back an ever growing tide of effluent has been demonstrated once again by its CEO Tim Cook.

Russia’s favourite CEO should have been terrified as stocks in China fell like a free-fall team of elephants who have forgotten to pack their parachutes. After all Apple is banking on Chinese interest in its shiny toys to make up for the fact that the rest of the world has worked out that they can get better for much cheaper.

Cook however proved he had the power to make the problem go away by actually talking to shareholders and telling them that everything will be OK.

Cook took the rare step of commenting on the health of Apple’s business midway through a financial quarter. He wrote that iPhone activations in China had accelerated over the past few weeks and that the App Store in China had its best performance of the year over the past two weeks.

“Obviously I can’t predict the future, but our performance so far this quarter is reassuring. Additionally, I continue to believe China represents an unprecedented opportunity over the long term,” Cook wrote.

In two hours they reversed those losses to trade up 2.25 percent at $108.12, adding around $85 billion to Apple’s market capitalisation from its earlier low.

This is a little weird given that any iPhone activations would have happened long before the Chinese sharemarket crashed. However owning shares in Apple is a religion based on faith and not common sense.

The Tame Apple press rushed to find analysts to back up Cook’s pronouncement and sure enough there were a few who agreed. This seems to prove to us that it is probably better to ask the cat financial advice than Wall Street Analysts.

Fortunately there are some on Wall Street who were a little more sensible. After the rebound, Apple’s stock was still down about 19 percent from its record high close set in February.

Cowen and Company analyst Timothy Arcuri said that no one has seen the extent of any Apple slowdown in China. Last week Gartner report said smartphone sales in the country fell for the first time ever in the previous quarter.

In short, Cook and Canute have something in common. No amount of pronouncements will stop the rising tide.

Apple Watch sales fall by 90 percent

Apple WatchSales of the new Apple Watch have plunged by 90 percent since the opening week, according to a market research report.

Apple is selling fewer than 20,000 watches a day in the US since the initial surge in April, and on some days fewer than 10,000.

Data collected by Slice Intelligence slow that either the iWatch is a dead end or that anyone who wanted one now has one.

Two-thirds of the watches sold so far have been the lower-profit “Sport” version, whose price starts at $349, according to Slice, rather than the costlier and more advanced models that start at $549.

The figures are based on the electronic receipts sent to millions of email addresses following purchases. The company conducts market research on behalf of consumer goods companies, among others, many of them in the Fortune 500.

Apple has refused to comment about the sales. It does not comment on good sales or bad ones so that is not surprising.

However the iWatch was super-hyped and the first that the company has created and launched since the death of Steve Jobs, in 2011.

Some claim that how well the watch fares may be one measure of how well Apple may be able to maintain the standards of excellence in innovation, marketing and production it achieved under Jobs.

Of course if you don’t think that Apple ever showed any innovation then you would say that the watch indicates whether Apple can continue to sell a turd provided it has an Apple logo on it.

Cook tells climate deniers to bugger off

It is not often that Apple does something which we think is worthy of praise, so when the fruity cargo cult actually does something impressive we believe it should be encouraged.

At Apple’s annual shareholder meeting, a right wing conservative think-tank, and we use the term “think” loosely, demanded that Apple follow other US companies and continue to destroy the planet.

The National Center for Public Policy Research (NCPPR), is furious that Apple is turning towards green energy and hired Lisa Jackson, the former head of the Environmental Protection Agency, to spearhead sustainability efforts for the iPhone-maker.

NCPPR General Counsel Justin Danhof that his group objects to increased government control over company products and operations, and likewise mandatory environmental standards.

Danhof said that Apple should be fighting against any government efforts which puts the environment over short-term profits.

He called for Apple to stop its environmentally friendly initiatives.

In uncharacteristic terms Cook hit back saying that despite the company’s mounds of cash, it is not in the business of caving into shareholder demands, especially politically motivated ones.

He said that Apple wanted to leave the world better than it found it.

Cook said that any who found the company’s environmental dedication either ideologically or economically ill advised, they can “get out of the stock,” Cook said.

Nice to see some climate-change flat-earthers get exposed as the money grubbing evil bastards that they actually are for once. Ironic that it has to be Apple doing the exposing.