10 evil things about Google

Google describes itself as “not evil” but we can think of at least 10 ways it is.

So here we go.

1. It’s named after an impossibly big number
2. It doesn’t rhyme with very much. When we used it with rhymezone.com it came back with Sorry, google was not found in this dictionary. “It looks like you might have meant noodle”
3. It sounds too much like giggle. It also gives very unsatisfactory anagrams
4. People in the pub use it all the time so it’s as omnipresent as that Intel jingle
5. It sounds a bit like gurgle, which according to rhymezone rhymes with ergle, gergel, schmergel, sturgell and sturgill, whatever they are
6. The little logos on its home page are very irritating, especially if you can’t figure out what they’re referring to so you feel stupid
7. It isn’t the first name of a dead crooner. Whoever heard of Google Sinatra or Google Martin? At least Microsoft has Bing Crosby
8. It doesn’t mean anything backwards unless there is a bandit called El Goog
9. It finds too much on the web, meaning that those indiscreet things you say after you’ve had 14 tins of Tennent’s Extra are very hard to remove
10. It doesn’t give me a buzz

So there you have them – at least 10 reasons why Google is evil.