An outfit called StealthUSB has developed a USB drive which it is marketing to those who want to look at the internet or have affairs without their partners finding out. It is set to change the way that romance is written about.
“Mr Darcy, How could you!” Elizabeth screamed.
”I shall not say that you are mistaken,” he replied, ”because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; but you are correct and this is indeed a USB drive.”
Elizabeth frowned a deep frown and nudged Colonel Fitzwilliam who was doing his best to look the other way, ”Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person who would carry a USB drive which is designed to keep their doings discrete?”
“Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous in you to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out, as will shock your relations to hear.”
”I am not afraid of you, nor what you will tell Mama” said he, smilingly.
”Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of,” cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. ”I should like to know what he has done.”
”You shall hear then — but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. That is a StealthUSB. The device eliminates any trace of data from the computer while emailing, instant messaging and web browsing.”
“Good lord, how on earth does that work?” asked Colonel Fitzwilliam.
”Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?” said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. ”Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, would need such a drive?”
Here they were interrupted by Lady Catherine, who called out to know what they were talking of.
“Porn and having affairs,” blurted out Elizabeth.
“I say, steady on Elizabeth,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam,
“No,” said Darcy. “Elizabeth is quite right, the StealthUSB forces users confine their data for online communications to the USB drive. Once the drive is removed from the computer, all trace of the online activity is removed from the computer. Even the web browsing history is gone.”
“What!” roared Lady Catherine. “Does that mean that when I inquired as to your good character by viewing your internet history when arranging your marriage to Abilagale Farnsworth, the reason I did not spot your Donkey Porn collection was because it had been removed by that gizmo?”
“Indeed Mama,” said Darcy. “Not that I would marry Abilagale Farnsworth, she is entirely unsuitable.”
“Why ever not,” said Lady Catherine. “She has impeccable breeding and comes from a good family with 4000 acres in Hertfordshire.”
“Because, Mama, Abilagale Farnsworth is a horse who won the Grand National three times.”
“My point is,” said Elizabeth, feeling that she had been left out the conversation. “That the only reason why a gentleman with a £10,000 a year income would have a stealth usb is if they were covering an affair or their porn addiction.”
“Yes, Elizabeth,” said Darcy, with a raised tone. “I use it because I visit, “certain sites” but in the 18th century it is perfectly acceptable for a man of an independent means to visit such sites of ill repute and whack one off, provided one’s Mama does not find out. Where as if you of the fairer sex were to do the same you would have to open a vein for the shame of it all.”