Religious loonies ban the beast

Born again loonies believing in an obscure literal translation of revelation have managed to ban the involuntary implantation of microchips into human beings.

Virginia lawmaker Mark Cole, a Fredericksburg Republican did not sponsor a bill not on the basis that anyone was planning to implant anyone, but because the “the Bible that says you’ll have to receive a mark, or you can neither buy nor sell things in end times.”

Cole said that some people think these computer chips might be that mark.

Cole’s bill passed the Virginia House of Delegates by an overwhelming 88-9 majority. The reason was that while the idea might be barking, many people don’t like the idea of implanting chips into people.

The idea comes from the Book of Revelation in which it says that people will not be able to buy and sell goods without a mark, or number of the beast on their hands or foreheads.

The number traditionally was given as 666, although the earliest manuscripts of Revelation give it as 668 which was more the neighbour of the beast.

Born-agains were concerned about bar coding and wanted it banned from supermarkets when it first appeared.

Biblical scholars believe that Revelation was a coded document to Christians suffering under the Roman Emperor Nero. The writer of the book used mystical language to cover an anti-Roman message. The belief was that the Roman empire was the Anti-Christ and would eventually be overthrown and Jesus would come back. The Roman empire collapsed under its own weight and Jesus is as late as a London minicab.

Meanwhile, still convinced that they are in end times, conservative Christians have “up-technologied” revelation. The Roman Empire has become the EU and the mark of the beast has become implants.

Wisconsin, California, and North Dakota have already passed legislation to protect their citizens from unwanted subdermal implants. Tennessee is passing a bill and the Georgia State Senate also passed an anti-microchip bill last month.

They claim that they seek to protect citizens from unwanted bodily intrusions by employers and especially what they depict as a big brother government.

However, at no point, other than in Revelation, has forced chipping ever been suggested.