Kill your trolls with Drupal's Misery

The online content management system Drupal has just penned a natty module to deal with trolls who attack your website.

The software, called Misery, provided web owners with the power to punish the trolls with a list of sanctions that would probably even make Gaddafi surrender.

Misery is supposed to be an alternative to banning or deleting users from a community. It punishes them and means that the web owner has the pleasure of knowing they are suffering.

The module allows you to create a random-length delay for the troll visiting your site. This would give the appearance of a slow connection. It does this 40 percent of the time which means that it will probably be OK after they have called their ISP’s technical support to find out what the problem is.

Another punishment is to present the user with a white screen 10 percent of the time or to send them to the wrong page.

Misery can also send them to a random node accessible by the user or get a 403 Access Denied page. Another good one is a 404 Not Found error.

Since this will happen 10 percent of the time, the troll will assume that the problem is at their end.

Our favourite is an “error” which means that forms will not submit 60 percent of the time.

If the troll is still using Internet Exploder 6, Misery can crash their browser. Since anyone using IE 6 is used to having their browser crash, they will think nothing of it.

After a while, the troll will subliminaly associate your site with pain and go away. That is the theory of course, however some of the trolls at TechEye would need to be zapped with at least a trillion volts several times before they would leave.