Apple tells staff to keep up the security myth

Fruity cargo cult Apple has been dealing with a dangerous rise in malware on its security-free products by telling staff to deny that it exists.

For years, Apple has managed to get away with limited security features on its expensive products because no hacker could be bothered learning OSX to infect half a dozen users to  steal their Coldplay collection. The outfit could claim that viruses were a result of bad Microsoft programming which Jobs’ Mob did not suffer and its token virus checker only needed to look for two flavours of malware.

Now it seems that the long awaited Apple malware has started to arrive and customers are finding that their machines really can get infected, the company’s reality distortion field is still in operation.

Zdnet said that Apple is conducting an internal investigation into the Mac Defender malware attack but according to an internal memo has told its staff to neither confirm nor deny whether the customer’s Mac is infected or not.

Apparently, Applecare does not provide support for virus removal so staff should not attempt to take it off the machine.

Staff should explain that that Apple does not make recommendations for specific software to assist in removing malware. The customer can be directed to the Apple Online Store and the Mac App Store for antivirus software options, the memo said.

In otherwords something as basic as virus removal should be left to a third party security software and taken away from the Apple store as soon as possible.

The memo gives staff  four bullet points to staff, just in case they were not clear about it.

  • Do not confirm or deny that any such software has been installed.
  • Do not attempt to remove or uninstall any malware software.
  • Do not send any escalations or contact Tier 2 for support about removing the software, or provide impact data.
  • Do not refer customers to the Apple Retail Store. The ARSE does not provide any additional support for malware.

In short, if someone comes into your shop with a malware infected iMac stick your fingers in your ear and go la la la. If possible point behind the customer and go “oh look there is a badger with a handgun” and when they are distracted take an emergency coffee break.

Apple has not officially acknowledged that the Mac Defender malware exists. In fact many of its users insist that it is official software which just needs an update to stop it serving up porn in pop-ups.