Americans go on crusade with magic weapons

American soldiers are fighting non-Christian forces with magical weapons especially blessed with bible verses.

Nope, it is not a return to the Middle Ages or a Dungeons and Dragons game. ABC has been reporting that codes installed in the laser sites of American weapons of lesser destruction actually represent Bible verses.

The addition of the numbers to high-powered laser sights makes sure that the the weapon is being directed towards Muslims buy the power of “god’s word”. It is a medieval magical technique which has not been seen since the Crusades, when soldiers used to carve appropriate bible verses onto weapons to bash the Muslims with.

The news is being played down by the Pentagon, which is desperate to make it clear that the war was not a crusade by a madman who thought that he was bringing about the Second Coming of Jesus by sending America’s finest to kill Muslims. They would prefer it was all about oil we guess.

The sights, made by  Trijicon,  are used by US troops in Iraq and Afghanistan and in the training of Iraqi and Afghan soldiers. One verse is Second Corinthians 4:6 “For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” It is supposed to help night vision we guess.

Other verses include John 8:12, which reads, “Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” and the firepower to kill a stampeding elephant.

Trijicon confirmed to ABCNews.com that it adds the biblical codes to the sights sold to the US military. Tom Munson, director of sales and marketing for Trijicon, which is based in Michigan, said the inscriptions “have always been there”.

Apparently they were the brainchild of former CEO Glyn Bindon, a devout Christian from South Africa who felt that what Jesus really meant when he talked about turning the other cheek was the ability to cut a heathen in two with infra-red death from a force unseen.

We are not sure which force in the universe disagreed with him, because Bindon was rustled out of this world in a 2003 plane crash.

Surprisingly, not every one is happy with carrying magical weapons charged with magical verses from the Christian bible. Some of the US military are not clean-living bible-thumping loonies who believe it is their job to convert the world through the barrel of a gun.

Muson said that the only people who were complaining about the bible verses were a “group of people who were not christians”, so we guess he does not think they count.