US armed forces go green before Congress

The US army in full flight once conjured up images of Sherman tanks hurting full-throttle towards the enemy, spewing a cloud of noxious fumes in their wake. But it now appears that American forces are taking more of a Greenpeace approach to armed combat by ditching the fossil fuels and switching to renewable energy in order to power their hulking war machine.

It was reported in the New York Times today that there is a rapid push by the American armed forces to incorporate greener sources of energy, with the aim of eventually increasing the amount of renewable energy used from the current negligible amount to 50 percent in the next few years.

It is thought that solar panels will be able to power water purification systems and power bases for significant amounts of time, while seized poppies can be turned into biofuels rather than being cultivated into heroin by evil Taliban people and sold to ne’er do wells in dilapidated tenements in Scotland. 

The move has come after increased attacks on vehicles transporting fuel to the front lines of countries such as Iraq. It is thought that one soldier or civilian is killed for every 24 fuel containing convoys, while those pesky insurgents recently set fire to oil tankers in Pakistan en route to help power the marauding imperialist forces. Interestingly, considering the reasons for invading oil-rich countries like Iraq, the US armed forces have to lug staggering amounts of the black stuff around on their travels, with transported fuel currently accounting for between 30 to 80 per cent of any convoy load.

“Fossil fuel is the No.1 thing we import to Afghanistan,” said Navy secretary Ray Mabus, “and guarding that fuel is keeping the troops from doing what they were sent there to do, to fight or to engage local people.”

But while the US finding new ways to enslave the rest of the world in its capitalist Disneyland dystopia may not be cause for immediate rejoicing, it is worth noting that by creating an infrastructure for renewable energy technology production it could significantly reduce cost and boost innovation in a way that other nations could only dream of.  In fact the US army is effectively circumventing the political route of debating in Congress, where an energy bill has struggled.  So it appears that the answer to calls for cheaper and more efficient green energy in the next few years may just come from one of the most unlikely sources.