Universe created from beer

Modern science is finally coming close to backing up our theory that the Universe was created out of beer.

Our theory was first proposed around closing time at the Rat and Handgun by a committee of TechEye hacks using a model made out of empty glasses, spilt beer and a half-eaten packet of pork scratchings.

Now it seems that boffins at CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, physicists from the ALICE detector team and a group from Birmingham have managed to prove at least part of our theory .

They have discovered that the very early Universe was not only very hot and dense but behaved like a hot liquid.

Their model, which involved accelerating and smashing together lead nuclei at the highest possible energies, managed to do the same thing as our experiment but cost a few more million pounds.

The ALICE experiment has generated incredibly hot and dense sub-atomic fireballs, recreating the conditions that existed in the first few microseconds after the Big Bang.

They claim these mini big bangs create temperatures of over ten trillion degrees which melt matter into primordial ‘soup’ known as quark-gluon plasma.

Initially they thought that the soup would behave like a gas, but Dr David Evans (no relation to TechEye‘s London Property Advisor), from the University of Birmingham said that the first results would seem to suggest that the Universe would have behaved like a super-hot liquid immediately after the Big Bang.

Fortunately all this fireball stuff does not last very long and the soup cools down.

Our, more elegant, beer theory did not depend on fireballs, just a pork-scratching that was the right shape.

Our theory is not that the universe heated up, it just chilled down to room temperature and allowed the Holographic foam to settle in the shape of galaxies.

The University of Birmingham’s theory could not explain the existence of Craig David and other evils because they had clearly positioned their beer mat incorrectly.

Of course the beer theory is not widely accepted, even among TechEye staff, Tam McGee insists that space and time begins and ends from a single point. Thus you get up out of the gutter, go to work, go for a drink, return to gutter.

Others are not convinced that it is beer and think it is more a slightly chilled red wine. Still it is nice to know that the boffins are catching up. They have got as far as the liquid, next stop it will be the hops.