The Chronicles of WikiLeaks
1. And it came to pass that St Julian of Australia did receive a huge pile of diplomatic cables from the US government and did decide to publish them even unto the four corners of the world.2. “Forsooth”, he did spake. “This will reveal unto the world what a bunch of total tossers the Americans are and the world will think I am wonderful.” 3. “For is it not written that all evil things doth come from American spooks? Should we all not wear hats of tinfoil so that they cannot read our minds?”4. And so it came to pass that the documents were released and at a time of holidays when there was no news. Thus St Julian of Australia was famous even unto his own lunchtime.5. However St Julian did believe that the American spooks were chasing him. 6. “If something goeth wrong in my life, hath not the Americans done it?” He told the world.7. Were they not responsible for the condom breaking when I had relations with those two Swedish Shelias? Was it not the Americans who did suggest that these women should sue me? Was it not the Americans who were responsible for the denial of service attacks on Wikileaks?8. Was it not the Americans who hatched a plan to destroy Wikileaks by getting my staff pissethed off with my leadership?9. And St Julian did tell of his woes unto all and sundry of the world’s press. He called for the oppressive regime of the Americans to be immediately dismantled and turned over to him. Much was the ranting thereof. 10. But the world did not listen. Although they loved the leaks, they liketh not St Julian. They spake with interest about how the Americans hateth the Scotish King Gordon Brown when he was in power, but were not so certain that St Julian should have leaked it.11. “He is a man with hair too white, morals too loose and a tendency to wear a tin foil hat in public places. Maybe we should not like him. Maybe we should not be reading Wikileaks after all.” And they gathered rocks to stone St Julian who had not been stoned for at least a week.12. Yet the Americans did scoreth a goal in their own net. While the public was undecided on St Julian, the rulers of the American people decided to react in a measure too much. One Senator called for St Julian to be publicly executed as a warning to all those who told the truth about America. 13. Another did demand that the US army declareth Wikileaks to be a terrorist organisation and for troops to be deployed against them even though they might hide in Afganistan.14. And the people did think. “Maybe St Julian is right? Maybe the rulers of the Americans really are out to get him for spaking the truth.”15. Meanwhile the King of Sweden did ask the King of Blighty to arrest St Julian in their land so that he could be charged with a sex crime. However St Julian had already forgotten that he had known these women and was insisting that it was all an American plot to discredit him. 16. After all in Oz once a Sheila had consumed of the sweet Sherry and braced herself for sexual intercourse, it was considered faireth for her to continue for the next 20 seconds until the Aussie man hath finished. 17. “In OZ, we do not stop half way through. Nor do we comment to the press that the Aussie bloke appeared more interested in his laptop,” he did spake and say. 18. And he was cast in chains by Inspector Knacker of the Yard and carried forth, his teeth gnashing to stand before the King of the Swedes.