Raytheon upgrades exoskeleton – be afraid, very afraid

Dealer of death Raytheon has shown off its newest generation 2.0 exoskeleton, named XOS 2. The presentation was made alongside the release of the release of Iron Man 2 on DVD, seducing the gullible public into believing how cool, awesome, rad and nice future incarnations of Raytheon exoskeletons will be.

Sometime in the near future, US soldiers will be able to save kittens from underneath cars, unload tons of water and food to thirsty, hungry denizens of a third world country witnessing a catastrophe which hits the news in the first world and where helping would be good PR, load rockets and bombs faster onto planes and into howitzers and punch the heads and rip the limbs off of insurgents – even if they’re hapless civilians which just kinda look, act and smell suspicious because they happen to be Afghans, Iraqis or inhabitants of the next region worth invading.

As for the XOS 2, Raytheon claims dudes wearing it will be able to lift 200 pounds a few hundred times in a row, as well as punch through wood as thick as three inches without tiring or getting a back problem. The exoskeleton’s inventor Tony Stark, using his pseudonym Dr. Fraser M. Smith, stated XOS 1 one was a proof-of-concept, whereas XOS 2 was debugged to make it more efficient. XOS 2 requires 50% less power than its former incarnation. Dr Smith said exoskeletions could be in place within five years, if the US would stay committed.

As for non-exoskeleton related programmes, nothing was revealed if research was being made itno genetically modifying G.I. Joes into hulkish brutes, nor did anyone state if XOS 3 or 4 would also be used as a hulkbuster suit to not only carry miniguns and blast the bejeezus out of the enemy, but also to keep tabs on green-skinned Ubersoldiers going on a rampage during an after-combat drinking binge.