Climate change causes climate change satellite meltdown

A NASA satellite will make sure this Friday night goes with a bang in some part of the world, as it hurtles along at 18,000 mph towards our blue planet.

According to the Daily Mail the 35ft tin can was sent up to monitor climate change back in the early nineties.  So presumably the irony that it will be coming down to earth sooner due to unpredictable climates will be lost on its Yank owners.

Unfortunately though, no one really has a clue where it is going to land.  It is thought that the bus-sized satellite will rip through the atmosphere and crash down somewhere between the coordinates of the 57th parallel North and the 57th parallel South.

Without having to resort to a map we can tell you that this means almost all inhabitable parts of the world. Good news for Scandinavians and those residing in Antarctic research igloos then, but what for the rest of us?

Thankfully the odds for getting hit by satellite debris are even more unlikely than other Friday night catastrophes such as getting into a fight at the Wetherspoons.

Although there is a 1 in 3,200 chance of a human getting hit by the NASA satellite, that is according to some reports about a 1 in 21 trillion chance of hitting you, yes, you.

Unless of course you live in the States.  While the rest of the world has been put on high alert for space bound objects ricocheting off their craniums, the Yanks are certain to be free of hurtling metal.

All of which sounds rather suspiciously like a throwback to a Cold War crackpot scheme to lob space garbage at the commies. 

With this in mind we tried to find some space agencies which shared our tin-hat conspiracy fantasies, but have, unsurprisingly, not been met with much enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, the British space program is still working on broadcasting the entirety of Keeping Up Apperances to the Moon. 

Our Rome-residing Nick Farrell predicts the debris will fall on the North of Italy, hopefully relaxing a certain Bunga Bunga-prone politician’s grip on the campaign trail.