Kim Jong-Un cures Cancer, Ebola and Aids

north-korea-jong-i_2492687bCheese munching despot Kim Jong-Un claims to have cured Cancer, Ebola and Aids with a new miracle drug.

The Northern Korean dictator announced that his miracle cure consists of ginseng grown from fertiliser and a mix of other ingredients.

The secret sauce to the cure is just that,secret, but it means that no one in North Korea has to worry about these illnesses ever again. It means that only capitalists have to worry about getting sick.

The medicine will apparently be injectable and will be known by the name of Kumdang-2.

In a statement published by Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea to herald the news, Dr Jon Sung Hun said: “The researchers insert rare earth elements (REE) into insam (gingseng) by applying the mico-elementary fertilizers of REE to the fields of insam.”

“The injection is made of extracts from those complex compounds. As a strong-immuno-activator, the injection has been recognized to prevent different malignant epidemics.”

The drug’s website cites a medical study in Africa where the drug was tested on HIV positive patients. It records that every single participant in the trial noted an improvement, with 56 per cent being completely cured and 44 per cent noting a considering improvement in their condition.

To be fair, the State has made some interesting claims before. Who would have thunk it that Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger and had magical powers which meant he did not need to use the loo.

The state also claims that Kim Jong Il was born atop a North Korean mountain prompting a double rainbow and new star to spontaneously appear. State records show he was born in Siberia.

Now if only Kim Jong Il could fix that pesky drought which is threatening to wipe out most of his country. We expect he will sort that out by tea time.