Creepy Cruz makes Fiorina his running mate

carly-ted-marriage-cheat-575x351Ted Cruz, who is standing on a non-masturbation ticket, has picked former HP CEO Carly Fiorina as his vice presidential running mate [surely running away from mate. ed]

It is a last-ditch move to regain momentum after being mathematically eliminated from winning the GOP presidential nomination outright.

It is hard to see what Cruz and Fiorina have in common. He wants to turn the US into a right-wing Christian fundamentalist state where masturbation is a criminal offence and Fiorina wants to make the country as great as she made HP.

“After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if I am nominated to be president of the United States that I will run on a ticket with my vice presidential nominee Carly Fiorina,” Cruz said during a rally in Indianapolis.

Winsome Carly joined the Texas senator on stage, and Cruz’s staff changed the podium in between Cruz and Fiorina’s remarks to display a new logo featuring both their names.

“Ted could not be more right in what he said: There is a lot at stake, and in fact, this is a fight, this is a fight for the soul of our party and the future of our nation, I’ve had tough fights all my life. Tough fights don’t worry me a bit,” Fiorina said.

“Everything about this campaign, everything about this election, is unprecedented,” Fiorina said. “Let’s face it, these are unprecedented times, we face unprecedented challenges and dangers. I think this is a confident leader who knows what he wants to do for this nation and who wants the nation to understand who he is, what he believes and who he wants by his side to fight this fight on behalf of the American people.”

So tough on masturbation, tough on the causes of masturbation.

Cruz is trying to recapture the narrative and keep himself relevant after Trump seized momentum in the 2016 race with a sweep of all five East Coast states on Tuesday, which puts him closer to having enough delegates to win the Republican nomination.

America’s answer to Boris Johnson, Donald Trump responded to the news of Fiorina’s selection pointing out that Fiorina has been critical of Cruz in the past:

“Ted Cruz is just like any other politician; he says whatever he needs to say to get elected,” Fiorina says in the four-second clip. Trump’s tweet included the caption, “Agreed!”