The Friendship of Ballmer and Brown 1 And King Ballmer did desire to enter the Mobile Market and said before Brown, What have I done? What is mine iniquity? And what is my sin before the Mobile Market that it seeketh my job? 2 And he said unto him, God forbid; thou shalt not be fired: behold, we owneth the mobile market and it will do nothing either great or small. 3 And Ballmer sware moreover, and said, In Tel certainly knoweth that You have found grace in thine eyes; and he saith, Let not Otellini know this, lest he be grieved: but truly, as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, there is but a step between me and death. 4 Then said Brown unto Ballmer , Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee, even unto adapting my chips so that they can run Windows 8. 5 And Ballmer said unto Brown, Behold, let us make a plan. Let me adapt my software so that it runs on thine chips. 6 If In Tel at all miss me, then say, Ballmer hath run to thine arms to maketh a tablet and yet there is nothing wrong. 7 If Otellini say thus, It is well; thy servant shall have peace: but if Otellini be very wroth, then be sure that evil is determined by him. 8 And Brown said, Far be it from thee: for if I knew certainly that evil were determined by In Tel to come upon thee, then would not I tell it thee? And if Otellini were to order my death would thou not telleth me? 10 Then said Ballmer to Brown, If I do not winneth big on the Mobile Market soon, it is is written by the prophets at Big G that I am toast. 11 And Brown said unto Ballmer, Come, and let us go out into Mobile Market together. And they went out both of them into the Mobile Market. 12 ¶ And Brown said unto Ballmer , Oh MICROSOFT God of Operating Systems, maketh a tablet, because they are doing well at the moment, and I will make a chip that worketh with it 13 And Ballmer said unto Brown in the name of the MICROSOFT I shall do so and I will make a version of Windows 8 that can runneth on thine chips, that thou mayest go in peace: and the MICROSOFT be with thee, as it hath been with In Tel. 14 And thou shalt not only while yet I live show me the kindness, that I am fired not: 15 But also thou shalt not cut off thy kindness from my house for ever: no, not when the Arm hath cut off the enemies of Ballmer every one from the face of the earth. 16 So Brown made a covenant with the company of Ballmer, saying, Let the LORD even require it at the hand of Ballmer ‘s enemies. 17 And Brown caused Ballmer to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own shares. 18 Then Otellini’s anger was kindled against Ballmer, and he said unto him, Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen Arm to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother’s nakedness? 19 For as long as Arm liveth upon the market, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. 20 And Ballmer answered Otellini, and said unto him, Wherefore shall Arm be slain? For is he not better in the Mobile Market than thee? Is it not written that thine Atoms can’t do mobile for Toffee? 21 Long hath I followed thee, and where I have falled hath thou also. And where thou hath failed I have been well and truly screwed. No, is it not written, that enough is enough. 22 And Otellini cast a javelin at him to smite him and missed his target, yea as if it were an Atom trying to get into the Mobile Market. 23 Ballmer arose out of a place toward the South, and fell on his face to the ground, and came in unto Brown. He bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one another, until Ballmer exceeded.