Why Ballmer bought Skype


Ye Booke of Ballmer Chapt XII: How Ballmer bought the Kingdom of Skype Now Ballmer the son of Gates began to reign over Microsoft in Redmond and reigned ten years. 2. And he wrought evil in the sight of the LORD; but not like Gates, and like Allen: for he put away mobile operating system that his Gates had made. 3 Nevertheless he cleaved unto the sins of administration, which caused Microsoft to collapse in to apathy and produce good products not. 4 But it came to pass, that shareholders waxethed cross at the state of the Kingdom, and that they had not had a decent dividend for some time. 5 And did not the funds of hedges go forth and spake against King Ballmer and demand that he be cast out. 6 “Under Gates, we were rich men,” they said. “And yet under Ballmer we hath not the fat of an aged mutton to rub into our tongues. It would be far wiser to have invested our money in Apple, whose CEO is so rich he liveth off the liver of teenagers.” 7. And Ballmer heard these rumours and he was wrath. And he went and sent to Skype saying, the Analysts hath rebelled against me: wilt thou go with me against them to battle? And he said, I will go up: I am as thou art, my people as thy people, and my horses as thy horses. 8 And Ballmer asked said, now that we are allies answer me this one question which hath remained a mystery to me and my people. “Is thy name pronounced Skyip or Sky-pee” 9. And Skype did spake and say: “Writeth thou a huge cheque, buyeth this company and you can pronounce it how thou like”. And Ballmer did write a huge cheque and henceforth was Skype pronounced very loudly. 10. And as the deal was signed there were many who wondered why Ballmer had written a large cheque for the small Kingdom of Skype. And they did approach him and ask. “Why hath thou spenteth a Kings Ransom for such a small Kingdom?” 11. And Ballmer was wroth for he could not admit that he had written the cheque of many zeros simply to find out how the name was pronounced and he did refuse to comment. 12. And he said unto them that he moveth in mysterious ways and it was not unto them that he should reveal his cunning plan. 13. And the analysts did say: “Verily, we hath seen the monkey dance and knoweth that you move in mysterious ways. This is so strange that we must assume that there is a reason.” 14. And Ballmer did not and the analysts went away. One looked unto the old King Gates, who had been in the wilderness, having declared war on the mosquito and spend the rest of his days scratching. 15. “What doth you think of this purchase of Skype and wilt you call for the head of your Son Ballmer and resume your throne?” they asketh him. 16. And King Gates was fearful and asked if Ballmer knewth they were coming. For it was written that he who would go against King Ballmer would die by the death of a thousand flung chairs and they would never hear again. 17. And Gates said, As the LORD of hosts liveth, before whom I stand. I knoweth that Ballmer charteth a proper course and the people of Redmond will benefit from what ever he bought. 18. And then he inquireth what exactly Ballmer had bought and whether it was pronouncethed Skyip or Skypee.