Phone app promotes stalking, rape, murder

A damning report from ineffable tome of truth and justice The Daily Mail has revealed the latest and most potent sidearm a stalker, paedophile or asylum seeking stalker and paedophile could possibly employ, the Recognizr phone app.

All a potential ne’er-do-well needs to find out all sorts of private and secret information posted freely and publicly on the internet is to hold a phone up discretely, only half a foot away or so from the intended victim, and run the Recognizr app. It then checks confidential and secret MI5 databases such as Facebook, Twitter and Flickr to find out the name of whoever the pervert criminal is pointing the device at.

Once identity is figured out, all sorts of information can be pulled up, such as age, birthday, and most shockingly, gender. It is also thought a user may be able to run the application to find out confidential information like favourite books, films and TV shows.

There are fears, reports the Daily Mail, that the application could lead to a significant increase in people being stalked by those who have obtained personal information. In what is possibly the most confusing dilemma for the Daily Mail ever, the only way to keep your identity safe from murderous, iPhone-clutching stalkers may turn out to be donning a full length burqa.