Orange and T-Mobile to form "Everything Everywhere"

The rumour mill is churning out tidbits about Orange and T-Mobile’s future merger, some saying that the two will soon be called “Everything Everywhere.”

A spokesperson for Orange didn’t tell us: “Everything Everywhere is exactly the kind of friendly moniker we want to further engage with our customers. We find it unlikely that our customers will be prepared to weasel away from their contracts with us if they think there’s a possibility we are omnipotent, much like a fellow called God.”

“Indeed, just this morning a baffled customer who had accidentally racked up a huge bill on one of our very fair and reasonable roaming plans argued that small print conned him out of a wad of dosh. We got one of our friendly phone lot to tell him that we’re soon going to be called Everything Everywhere and that he should think about that very hard the next time he decides to have a bath, go to the toilet or try to cancel on us in the future. He was very satisfied with our award-winning customer service and quickly stopped complaining.”

However, the name is receiving scorn from some religious leaders. Ken Livingstone, spokesman for London’s Muslim community, said: “My people and I won’t stand for something which monetises the holy idea of omnipotence.” A well known cleric in London’s East End also didn’t tell us: “That Livingstone is a whack job, don’t listen to him.”