Nokia boss Elop pledges allegiance to Suomi

Nokia CEO Stephen Elop, who was born without Finns by accident of birth, says that he has no plans to move the former rubber boot maker to somewhere a little more familiar, like the United States.

The dark satanic rumour mill has been manufacturing a hell on earth rumour that Elop does not really like Finland, even if it does have reindeer meat and is one of the rumoured secret locations for Father Christmas’s outsourced elven sweatshops.

Nokia has been in Espoo for ages and lately there has been talk of getting it out of the ‘poo thanks to its deal with Microsoft.

Elop said on Sunday that the deal with Microsoft would be keeping Nokia in Espoo if he had anything to do with it. He told the local radio station that as long as he is the CEO, the company will be in Espoo. Espoo is Nokia’s home.

Nokia was born in Espoo and was made by Espoo. While others would seek to scrape Espoo from their boots, Nokia shall fling Espoo at the world, he more or less said.

He didn’t burst into a verse of “Finland, Finland, Finland its the place that I want to be” but we get his drift.

Canadian Elop was enticed in September 2010 from his post as president of Microsoft’s Business Division to lead Nokia and halt its fall.

The company has cut thousands of jobs in its homeland and there were fears that Elop would take it out of Espoo forever. However, the always-optimistic Finns took mass sackings at Nokia as a sign o’ the times and a nice opportunity to do something else with their lives.