Mobile phones kill off bees

Boffins are fairly certain that it is the rise of the mobile phone which is killing off the world’s populations of bees.

There have been a number of suggested reasons for bees disappearing. There was some kind of illness, they managed to get off the planet before the Daleks kidnapped it to create a death ray and other ideas which were less probable.

Boffins at Punjab University now say radiation from cell phones is probably responsible for the decline. They have worked out that the technology is interfering with bee navigational senses and tampering with inner-hive life.

We guess the bees are picking up your calls and are baffled about how inane they are.

The boffins used two hives in the experiment over a period of three months, exposing one to a mobile phone turned on twice daily for 15 minutes at a time.

There was a dramatic decrease in the number of bees spawned in the mobile phone hive compared with the one not exposed to the technology. The number of worker bees returning to the hive also decreased, resulting in a drop in nectar production.

Previously the most valid explanation was a combination of pesticides, disease and loss of habitat for the bee die-off. But apparently the answer is that if you want bees, you have to turn of your phone otherwise beegones will really be beegones.