iPhone 4 now cracking

Fruit themed toymaker. Apple’s glorious bug-ridden iPhone 4 has another fatal flaw – the beast is starting to crack.

This is mostly because when the “design geniuses” at Apple were building the beast, they thought that they would stick something durable and transparent to enclose the case, like glass. Hang on, what?

Yep, Apple thought that stuff invented by the Romans, which tends to break under the slightest pressure was exactly the sort of thing that should “protect” its expensive phones. What could possibly go wrong?

Now, much to Apple’s surprise, and obviously the fanboys who wasted shedloads of cash on the blighted toy, the iPhone 4 is now cracking.

Reports that come in are doing their best to blame third party slip-on cases for the fault. Apparently if you stick on one of these cases dirt gets into the case, rubs against the iPhone’s skin and causes it to crack. How surprising, but, hello, Apple built its phones out of one of the most fragile substances used by humanity. This was bound to happen.

Apple’s engineers have been hard at work in “a quiet lockdown,” testing various third-party cases to see how widespread the problem is. We expect an announcement in a few weeks which says that it will only effect a “minority of users” and there is no need for a recall.

Cracks have appeared in Apple’s expensive gear before. The Mac G4 Cube, which was introduced in 2000, and the iPhone 3G experienced reports from users that the outsides were developing “hairline surface cracks.” White Macbooks also had a few problems. One would think that the San Andreas fault line was leaking into Apple designer’s brains,

The iPhone 4 is Apple’s Windows ME with at least nine serious faults reported on the thing (see below). Yet it still sells well. Apple fanboys tell us that the fact it is selling well means that Apple is doing everything right. We can’t see how peddling an obviously broken phone can be good for anyone.

List of some of the things that have been wrong with the iPhone 4.

  1. Antenna put on the outside means that you have to hold the phone like Steve Job’s tells you or you get a dropped call.
  2. Discoloured screen results in yellow-brown smudging.
  3. Flipped volume controls so that what you think would be decreasing is actually increasing.
  4. Rear camera largely useless
  5. A feature to track movement on the phone actually disconnects it when it is bought to your ear.
  6. In the US, AT&T
  7. Signal strength display incorrect.
  8. Wifi flaws which means that it only works when Steve Jobs orders everone to turn off their wi-fi connections
  9. Lock-ins and controls which force you to spend money at the iTunes store.
  10. No flash.
  11. Apple fanboys