iPads too insecure for British cabinet

Apple’s legendary security standards have resulted in its fruity tablets being banned from British cabinet meetings.

According to British intelligence, Ipads are two easy for foreign spooks to hack and it does not think that it is a good idea to UK cabinet minsters to bring them to meetings.

According to the Daily Telegraph, GCHQ know that foreign intelligence agencies have developed the ability to turn mobile devices such as phones and tablets into bugs without the owners’ knowledge, allowing them to listen in on confidential meetings. They know this because that is exactly what they have been doing, them and their American chums, so the warning is pretty much a case of the “they don’t like it up em”.

Number 10’s security staff have been ordering ministers to delete files on their iPads to prevent Cabinet discussions being picked up and have forbidden ministers to take their iPads to meetings.

Apparently the Chinese, Russians, Iranians and Pakistan spooks have developed the ability to turn mobiles into microphones and turn them into transmitters even when they are turned off, using a Trojan computer virus.

Ministers in sensitive government departments have been issued with soundproof lead-lined boxes, which they must place their mobiles in when having sensitive conversations.

William Hague boasted that his phone has been modified by GCHQ for security reasons. He seems to think the Chinese would have had a good go at hacking it, although quite why he thinks they would want to hear him agreeing with whatever the Americans have to tell him.