iPads help fat wrestlers communicate

The iPad, which has yet to find a function which is not a gimmick, seems to be going to help lardie types enter the digital age.

For centuries Japan’s Sumo wrestlers have watched while the digital age vanished before them, along with a confirmed sighting of their feet.

According to Reuters, this has been because all those fancy high tech phones did not work for someone who had fingers the size of Italian sausages.

The Japanese Sumo Association said it will hand out iPads to Japan’s 51 “stables,” or the clubs the wrestlers belong to, with the aim of improving communication among the roly-poly grapplers.

It is hoped that with the big numbers on the key pad the wrestlers will be able to send messages such as “grunt” and “ugh” and this will improve communication between those who can find whole oceans of sushi in the folds of the stomachs.

Of course the downside is that the iPad does not have any phone function and so the Sumos will have to use Wi-Fi.  But Sumo wrestlers are patient, a tummy like that is not built in a day and maybe one day the device will get a function they can use like a telephone. In fact the association hopes that Sumos will use the current generation iPads to communicate seem to have forgotten that communication is the one thing that the iPhone does badly. Other than being sat on by a Sumo wrestler of course.

Princess Diana once said that Sumo wrestlers were sexy and while she thought most things were sexy, including Windsor soldiers, we are sure that association with something that Diana once fancied can only help the iPad’s image.   Although given that the iPad is currently flogged by someone who can wear a black straw as a tank top, we are not sure that Sumo is Apple’s normal target market.