Climate change will stuff up your wi-fi

If you were not particularly concerned about climate change, perhaps because you don’t like polar bears much, or think it means you will have nice hot summers, then Caroline Spelman, the Environment Secretary has given you a reason to be very concerned.

She thinks that the UK wi-fi connections will be screwed up and there will be regular power failures thanks to climate change.

To make matters worse, British Railway companies have a new excuse for delays. Apparently hotter weather could make lines buckle. So during the summer we will have buckled lines, autumn, leaves on the line, and winter ten metres of snow on the line. Stranded passengers will not be able to use their wi-fi because the service will be cut out/

Spelman said that the UK needs to spend billions of pounds to deal with climate change. Apparently it is going to piss down, there will be hosepipe bans and heatwaves for the 50 to 100 years because of man-made global warming.

Of course she thinks that her government is doing enough, but that seems mostly spent giving cash to build more railway lines to be shut by bad weather. She has not mentioned anything about the coming wi-fi crisis.

Really all she could do about that is some form of State Aid to Starbucks. As it is, TechEye hacks have had to mortage their houses to buy a latte so they can bang out the odd story when their home connection has gone tits up.