US Army can't prove Assange fingered its privates

A red-faced US Army spokesman is likely to come clean and admit that it can’t find the hand of Wikileaks boss Julian Assange on any of its privates.

For ages now the US armed forces has been trying to prove that Private Bradley Manning showed Assange his bulky dossier and Assange shoved it onto Wikileaks.

If Army inquisitors managed to stand it up, they could bang Assange up on a charge of spying. However, according to NBC News, investigators have been unable to make any direct connection between a jailed army private suspected with leaking secret documents and Julian Assange or Wikileaks.

The investigators have managed to confirm that Manning downloaded tens of thousands of documents onto his own computer and passed them to an unauthorised person. But there is no proof that Assange ever had any contact with any of the Army’s privates.

Assange said WikiLeaks was unsure Army PFC Bradley Manning is the source for the classified documents appearing on his site. In fact he never heard the name Bradley Manning before it appeared in the media.

Assange is currently under house arrest while he awaits an extradition hearing on a charge of touching two other people’s privates while not using a condom.  Even if he is convicted on that charge it is useless to the US.  It had to be the right private in the right place and time.