Steve Jobs replies to "Eric Schmidt", other emails

There have been reports from around the web that with Apple’s iPad launch imminent, Steve Jobs has been unusually fervent about replying to interested customers. We dug around and present you with some of our favourite emails, and how Steve might have responded if he’d actually received any of the below.

Steve. Can’t we put all this behind us? We had something special going on once upon a time. I remember that beautiful first week, the sun beaming down on us, as we held hands in that secluded green field with just a bottle of wine and a picnic basket for company. Can things ever be the same again?
Yours,
Eric Schmidt

No.
Sent from my iPad

Hi Steve. I’ve been thinking about leaving my husband of 30 years lately. The thing is, we have six children together and our youngest is heavily disabled requiring round-the-clock care. Neither of us can afford to have a nurse come in every day and I know that if I simply just up and left my husband would not be able to cope. However, the relationship is stale and we rarely spend a night together, and if we do it is just ho-hum. I feel like I’m not even noticed anymore and I am thinking of leaving without saying a word to go pursue my dream of becoming an actress in California. Everyone I know looks up to you and your infinite wisdom, so please, tell me, should I leave and make my dreams come true?
Yep.
Sent from my iPad

Steve. I have had this bump on my neck and it appears to be growing. I haven’t seen a doctor about it yet because I have no health insurance, I’ve kind of been waiting for it to ‘go away.’ I have been hiding it from my friends and family because I don’t want to worry them. What should I do? Should I ‘take the bullet’ and go and get it checked out?

Nope
Sent from my iPhone

Good day Steve. I planted an apple tree about five years ago but it is yet to bear the same fruits that your apple tree has produced. Do you have any tips on how I can improve the quality of my apple tree’s growth?
Yep. If you’ve planted it from a seed then your tree is probably a crab apple tree. If you want to increase the size of your apples consider extensive thinning, but keep in mind that commercial apples are never grown from pips, but are instead grafted onto a rootstock.
Sent from my iPad

Steve, bless your soul and whiskers for bestowing unto us the wondrous iPad. I am concerned though, that my cheque is still stuck floating somewhere in the proverbial ether. I am quite honestly not used to waiting patiently for bungs and if you would be so kind to pop it in the post that would be most appreciated.
Signed
A. National Treasure
Sorry Stephen. Cheque’s in the post.
Sent from my iPad

stEv, pleaes phoone me.. we all miss uoyou.. /’cant it who am i iekidding i hmiss youe, i amtejust tryign to make you jelaousej.. iejtplease Can we

GO TO HELL STEVEe

Pull yourself together Eric. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Sent from my iPad