Government launches online divorce calculator

While the Coalition considers offering meagre cash bonuses to married couples, a government body has launched a way to find out how much dosh you can diddle your partner out of with a divorce.

According to the last bastion of truth in the land of media spin and chips, The Daily Mail says the anonymous tool, launched by the Consumer Financial Education Body, will “help couples in loveless marriages reduce the cost of hiring lawyers while deciding their futures.”

Divorce is a universal right – so of course it will work for the Mail’s favourite talking point, cohabiting couples and civil partnerships. 

“Critics say the tool goes against the sanctity of marriage and will encourage couples to split up rather than try to resolve their differences,” squawks the Mail presumably quoting itself.

You can figure out how much money you’re owed at the Take Him To The Cleaners tool here. It works by inputting a string of figures like outgoings, assets, property, after-tax, child maintenance and the like. We attempted to hypothetically figure out Laurene Powell’s winnings if Steve Jobs had a string of torrid affairs but it doesn’t account for billionaires. 

Mark Keenan, spokesperson for, tells TechEye: “We think it is a brilliant idea because it will stop people having unrealistic expectations of what a settlement should be and hopefully will help people reach a settlement without resorting to lawyers. We will be telling people to use it.” 

But a divorcee tells us: “It all sounds hunky-dory as long as he’s happy to reveal what he earns and what his assets are. Because there’s no way of compelling your ex to do that in a divorce.”