Fruity girl accidentally gets media interested in Microsoft Office

PowerPoint is certainly a useful tool. From the simplest of bullet point displays in a classroom to detailed business pitches, Microsoft’s product is a solid if unspectacular piece of software, rarely worthy of a second thought.

That is until you combine a PowerPoint display, a sexually adventurous student and a university lacrosse team.  And even more so when the title of the 42 page presentation happens to be ‘An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics’, and is being submitted to the ‘Department of Late-Night Entertainment in partial fulfillment of the requirements for a Degree in Tempestuous Frolicking’, a Department which, to the best of this writer’s knowledge, sadly did not have a similar branch at the University of Westminster in London.

This was the situation when a student named Karen Owen at Duke University in the North Carolina town of Durham compiled a summary of her scholastic endeavours over three years, consisting of detailed accounts of sexual encounters with her all 13 of her ‘subjects’.

Unfortunately for the poor lass the, presumably, private document managed to find its way onto the internet, and has become very much less private in a very short space of time after it was published in detail on Jezebel.

“Senior year and college in general often bring about certain situations that result in the seeking of so-called ‘sex’,” Owen writes in the introduction.

“Until now, no studies have succeeded in developing a methodology for quantifying and ranking these so-called horizontal academics.”

“’In this study, we used data from four years at Duke University to create evaluation criteria for such encounters and applied these criteria to evaluated subjects.”

“The people that are named in it are the kinds of people that everyone wants to be or be with. The top dogs, or whatever.”

With remarkable attention to detail, which will surely see Ms Owen excel when she receives a final grade, she even added a helpful bar chart to rank the subjects. The detailed “scoring” system from which subjects earned their ranking was boosted by levels of attractiveness, though quite rightly “points were deducted for rudeness or being Canadian”.

Despite reportedly being offered a book deal, it seems Ms Owen is slightly embarrassed by her the widespread publication of her ‘thesis’.

“I regret it with all my heart,” said Owen in a statement to The News of Today website. None of the test subjects were available for comment.