David Cameron encourages web censorship

Thank heavens we have the right people in power to focus on the issues that really matter. Bowing to pressure from a rag-tag group of angry mums, the Mothers’ Union, the Conservative party has unveiled plans to block pornography from the web.

David Cameron, who we assume has a private subscription to Jugggz and gets his kicks the old fashioned way, today announced a deal with BT, Sky, TalkTalk and Virgin to block pornography from appearing online. At least, by default.

Teenage boys will have to phone up their service providers and convince them they’re their dads to opt-in for online jazz-mags. Otherwise they will have to, well, use their iPhones.

The Guardian reports Cameron saying earlier this year: “W should not try and wrap children up in cotton wool or simply throw our hands up and accept the world as it is. Instead we should look to put the brakes on an unthinking drift towards ever-greater commercialisation and sexualisation.”

Cameron has also given the go-ahead on a project which seeks to stick all the angry parents in one place. Parentport will encourage aghast mums and dads to write letters about offensive stuff on the telly, online or elsewhere that they don’t want their nippers to see. 

The censorship platform will entail an all-star cast of the watchdogs that are left, including the Advertising Standards Authority, BBFC, BBC Trust, Press Complaints Commission and Ofcom.

And in the end, isn’t that what Great Britain needs? When they’re done running their schools in their spare time, parents of all races can unite in a melting pot of shared rage about soap adverts where you can almost see a woman’s nipple.