Chatroulette to ditch the Johnsons

Chatroulette is said to be working on ways to eliminate the one thing that really makes it worthwhile – the hordes of lonely, odd men fiddling with their penises.

When the site first started earlier this year, it was billed as a way to chat at random with people all over the world. And it was remarkable just how many of them wanted to chat about the same thing, along with video tutorials.

Visitor numbers leapt from 18,000 in January to 97,000 in February, and hit a rampantly manful 1.54 million in April, according to ComScore. But by May, the audience was showing distinct signs of drooping, with a decline to 1.33 million.

Now, according to TechCrunch, the site’s teenage founder, Andrey Ternovskiy, has decided he’s had enough. He’s drafted in Napster founder Shawn Fanning, and is looking at adding a new software algorithm designed to screen the pink dangly bits out.

Repeat offenders will be flagged – which at least will make them easier to find.

Nevertheless, we at TechEye think the move is unnecessarily harsh. And since our recently-created tiger sanctuary turned out to be such a disaster – we’re terribly short-staffed now, and the carpets are filthy – we’ve realised we’ve got the space. We’d like to offer a home to all those poor, unloved penises out there.

From now on, readers clicking on a story from our home page can experience all the excitement of Chatroulette. You may get a story about the tech industry, sure.

But you’ll have a one in three chance that instead you’ll be able to spot a lonely redneck in the wild, indulging in his natural behaviour. And for every page visit, we’ll donate one penny to the Royal Society for the Protection of Monkey-Spankers (our local branch).