Amazon wants to flog groceries to Limeys

Amazon is setting up in the UK as a grocer, offering free delivery on everything from nappies to vintage champagne.

It’s got over 22,000 items, it says, including a vast range of specialist items for people with high-class allergies.

“’s aim is to be the place where customers can find and discover any product they want to buy online, and with the introduction of this new store there are thousands of household, niche, ethnic and international grocery items, all available at the click of a button,” said director of groceries James Leeson.

Taking another really deep breath, he added: “With unlimited virtual shelf space, customers can choose from a wide variety of products, all of which benefit from free delivery.”

We’ve been ordering already. Mohammed al Fayed pleaded with us not to, but it was the delivery options that swung it. Harrods’ dark green livery clashes appallingly with the office front door – and we never like to answer it too promptly, it just makes the staff get uppity.

No, sources have assured us that all Amazon groceries will be delivered by bare-breasted women in leopard skins, and frankly we can’t wait.

(Don’t expect this yourselves, by the way. The company certainly doesn’t offer it in the other countries it has a grocery service, and it may just be for us. Jeff Bezos is such a sweetie.)

We’re really looking forward to the Louis Roederer 1999 Champagne in a luxury hinged oak wooden box, as the perfect accompaniment to some pate de fois gras and Nobby’s Nuts. We’re right out of toilet cleaner too.

Order here.