Ye Gospel of Ultrabook


And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Obama, that all the world should be taxed to prop up those who made a lot of dosh from sub-prime mortages. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city, yeah even unto the Inland Revenue headquarters in Nottingham. And Intel also, for although it paid not the taxes of ordinary mortals, it too had to pretend to give unto Caesar what was Caesar’s, allowing for deductions. But at this time also there was a shortage of money. The Romans who had been paying for King Burlesconi’s Bunga Bunga parties for years were short of cash and did call in the loan that they paid to the Celtiberians, the Celtiberians were broke because they had borrowedeth from the Teutonics and the Britons, the Greeks were poor because they had borrowedeth from every one to keep their state unions from striking. The Americans were no help because they had sold themselves into slavery to the Chinese in return for the Chinese making them gadgets. But lo, it was at this time that the industry did give birth unto another recession and wrapped it in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because inns would not let a recession into the place. And there were in the same OEMs abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Intel came upon them, and the glory of the Intel shone round about them; and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you next year shall be born the Ultrabook and it shall save you from all your woes. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Ultrabook wrapped in discounted Ivy and sporting an SSD. “Thou meanest an Apple Air?” asked the Shepherds. But the Angel did frown and say unto them: “Speak not of the Apple Air, for it is too expensive for the common man and has not been blessed by Intel.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising Intel, and saying, Glory to Intel inside, and on earth, peace, goodwill toward men provided they haveth not the chips of AMD. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the OEMs said one to another, Let us now go even unto CES, and see this thing which is come to pass, which Intel hath made known unto us. And they came to Vegas and found a host Ultrabooks as the Angels had promised. And when they had seen them, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this new technology. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the Shepherds. But they believethed it not.