Ye Booke of the Children of Apple

 

1. Lo, and it came to pass that Steve Jobs was dead and the Children of Apple saw him not. And they did squabble amongst themselves over who was to lead them. 2. And then there was a trumpet blast and Jobs was amongst them. In his right hand he held a Tablet of purest Ebony and in his left there was a Tablet of Ivory. 3. “Come forth my children for these are my tablets which I have given unto you. Cast off the old Tablets and buyeth the new ones. Empty your pockets for that which you have owned is now out-of-date and as useless as a chocolate teapot.” 4. And the Children of Apple did look upon their Tablets with disdain. For after praising them for a few months they suddenly realised that they were completely useless and did crave something new. 5. “While our old Tablets were useless, these Tablets must be good, for Steve hath spoken,” they said. 6. But there were cynics amongst the Children of Apple who wondered if the new Tablets were all they were cracked up to be. 7. “If the first ones were pants, then what makes these ones any more useful?” they asked. 8. But the faithful did through up their hands and cry “Blasphemy”. 9. “Hath not Steve risen from the dead to present these Tablets unto us? Is it not written to cast off your out-of-date Apple experiences when the new one comes out?” 10. But the cynical did point out that Steve was hardly dead and was on sick leave and for something tobe updated it had to be significantly different from the last one. 11. But Steve did hold up his hands and spaketh: “Lo, I have given thee a Tablet which is ultra thin. No longer will thee require the biceps of the Incredible Hulk to read a comic.” 12. And the people replied “That is good enough for us, oh Steve” and did given him a standing ovation, even the New York Times, which had sacrificed its credibility on the altar of Steve Jobs many years before. 13. But the cynics said: “OK, so it is lighter, where are the things we actually want, such as Flash so that we may browse the Internet?” 14. And Jobs did spake and say: “Speak not unto me of Flash, for it is the excrement of the last leper in Hell. I have decided that it will be cast from the Internet starting with my own shiny toys.” 15. And the people did applaud at the purging of Flash, even if every other mobile device in the world still used it. 16. And Steve did remove himself from the Children of Apple once more, and they saw him not .