Ye Booke of In-Tel and the Profits of Doom


1. And it came to pass that the world was awash with tablets, and phones which were smart enough to play the birds that were angry. And yet, the prophets of doom did look upon In-Tel and found it wanting. 2. Forsooth, hath not In-Tel heard the word of Steve Jobs? Hath it not understood that the game hath changed and that the PC is dead? Is it not written that PCs shall be replaced with keyboardless notebooks and everything shall be for the consumer? 3. And they did spake muchly on the street corner and sayeth that In-Tel was doomed, for it listened unto their words but heareth them not. 4. And the Profits of Doom, and the sayers of Nay, did claim that they had seen the Angel of Death over the Atom chip and people would buyeth it not. For it was not like unto the Tablet and was not good for the phone which was smart. 5. And all this did trouble the Children of In-Tel and the partakers of the white powder in the Street of Walls… For it was widely held that the Kingdom of In-Tel would fall, and King Otellini would handeth the keys of the chipmarket to the Kings of the East. 6. There were even rumours that the barbarians of Apple would rise up and taketh the Crown of In-Tel for their own. For they would maketh the chips for the mobile and the chips of the PC. 7. And King Otellini heard the cries of the Prophets of Doom and did wonder what they had been smoking and if he could get some. He called forth the Prophets of Doom and the partakers of the white powder in the Street of Walls and did open the doors to his vaults. 8. And the Prophets of Doom saw that the walls of the vaults were of pure gold, and the floors were of alabaster and were set with rubies, sapphires and precious gems. 9. And then he did open the scrolls of the Prophecy and did spake and say unto them that next year will be more of the same. 10. “I see a great Fab pure gold, like clear glass” and its “brilliance is like a very costly stone, as a stone of crystal-clear jasper. And it shall maketh chips that are made so thin and attractive they will be given modelling jobs in Paris,” he said. “And great will be the dosh we will make and I will have my office done in pure gold, like transparent glass,” he did spake and say. 11. But the Prophets of Doom did spake and reply: “But where art thou chips for tablets? 12. “And thine chips for the phones which are called smart?” 13. And Otellini spake and said: “Why the hell would I need chips for tablets and thine 14. chips for the phones which are called smart? I earneth piles of dosh selling unto companies and thou cannest run a server on a netbook cannest thou?” 15. “And is it not written that next year Tablets shall be old hat and shall be replaced by books called Ultra which are a little more useful in that they have a keyboard?” 16. And the Prophets of Doom did spake and say that this was not the word of Steve Jobs, who had been a game changer and did decree that it was the age of the Tablet. 17. And Otellini did spake and say “Look, soddeth the vision of Steve Jobs. PCs, servers, and one day books of Ultra will make me mountains of Gold. If thou dost not believe me, see me in a decade when my money shall eclipse the sun. 18. And yet the Prophets of Doom and the sayers of Nay did not believe him.