Ye Booke of 2012


And Simon did go forth upon the mountain because he could not get into fifth and the LORD did say unto him take this message unto the people for me, for is it not written that my email is busted and my web mail really is rubbish. For this will come to pass in the year 2012 and yea it is true that it is 2012 years since the LORD did walk among you and spaked his message of love and ye nailed him up and demanded iPads instead. You can see why he is not so keen to return. Now listen unto the Message of the Lord if ye hath ears to hear. In the beginning shall be CES and the word shall ring from the lips of Ballmer. Great will be the ringing words and afterwards a man shall not be able to hear his neighbour, even if the neighbour shouteth. And at this time, in a drunken frenzy Ballmer shall know Nokia and the videos shall be sold in the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo next door. And from the lust of this union shall spring many demons which will appear to be a phone but will hath the Windows interface. Great will be the cries of the Apple fanboys for they shall say that Ballmer hath stolen their ideas. But instead they shall sueth Google and waste millions in court cases and yet Android will faileth not and the money shall be wasted on lawyers and whores. He that hath a mobile, hear the words of the wise. Wait not expectantly for the iPhone 5, queue not for a ticket to the hell which is iTunes, for Apple hath run out of ideas. Was not the iPhone 4S pants? Trust not tablets, for they are not made of stone and shall not stand the test of time. Those who live down under shall have to pay double for their tablets and many shall suffer from them. For as the year closeth, many will wonder if they hath used their tablet longer than a couple of hours a week. And behold sayeth Intel we shalt give thee the Ultrabook and this shalt be a tablet with a keyboard. But the people of Europe shall want them not for they will be too busy paying off their credit cards and the people of the US shall be afraid to buy anything with an internet connection because they will be thrown into jail under the SOPA act their to gnash their teeth until they rise and get a proper democracy. And by the end of the year there shall be a headline which readeth that Ultrabooks disappoint, and behold the Taiwanese manufacturers shall teareth their hair and stampeth on their rabbits. But lo, there will be a spokesman who will come forth and say “Ultrabooks will succeed in 2013” and he shall be believed. And Chipzilla will rise as the people of Ah-Em-De falleth and GlobalFoundaries shall be eaten by a badger. For none shall stand against Chipzilla this year and were it not for the Ah-Em-De’s graphics decision the whole lot would be down the bog. And the Lord did say unto Simon “writeth these words down for I will have probably forgotten them by July and need reminding.” And Simon did ask unto the LORD what of the words of the Ancient Mayans that thou art causing the world to end in October? And the LORD said “Speak to me not of the end of the world. An apocalypse takes far too much organising and besides it would ruin Christmas and Lucifer watching Christians take part in a Pagan festival.”