The last thing I need is an effing 3D TV

The venerable and august Wall Street Journal is reporting that vendors in America are massively discounting 3D TVs.

Heck, I wouldn’t buy a 3D TV if you paid me to.  Aside from the anti-social aspect, the 3D specs just get in the way of more terrestrial pursuits.

Plus there’s little enough to watch on the goggle box anyway, without being faced with the disorientation involved in watching Only Fools and Horses and One Foot in the Grave and seeing not only the wrinkles you see on HD TVs but watching every blackhead as if it were the face of the Moon.

In reality, you and I both know that 3D TV is a lame attempt by the flat glass vendors to sell excess stock – or inventory as they call it – to “consumers”, as everyone seems to call people these days.

How many remote control sticks have you got in your house? When you’re preparing to switch channels, are you sure that with your 3D spex on, you won’t pick up the wrong one and destroy the chain of SCART connected devices that sit atop of each other and be unable to remember the sequence that lets you watch innumerable ancient episodes of Have I Got News for You or the truly lamentable QI with vacuous Stephen “twitter” Fry?

It was the truly astonishing Genevieve Bell from mega corporation Intel who earlier this year pointed out that glasses for 3D TVs get lost easily and worse than that you can’t watch basketball without getting dizzy. Plus soccer and golf aren’t very easy to watch on 3D TV either.

This is all about content. But with so many contentless repeats showing on so many innumerable channels can we really expect people to create interesting content which is also 3D?

I have a personal confession to make here. In 1955, when I wasn’t even a young shaver because I was five, my mum and dad took me to see a 3D Western where you got delivered those red and green paper and celluloid spectacles.  When the people in the film started throwing what appeared to be knives at the audience, I screamed  and ducked underneath the seat. This was not castration anxiety – which of course I do suffer from – but absolute terror.

In 1974, when I was a shaver although my whiskers hadn’t yet turned grey, I went to see Andy Warhol’s Flesh for Frankenstein. Let me assure you that the addition of 3D to a Warhol film didn’t make it any more tolerable. It was very boring, and very boring in 3D too. Here’s a trailer for the flick. Don’t bother reaching for your 3D specs, TechEye doesn’t support 3D yet.

So all in all, fat panel vendors, go peddle your goods somewhere else. The vast majority of people are not going to lash out on 3D TVs so we can watch drivel in three dimensions. Two dimensions of drivel are quite enough, thank you very much.