Pierre Cardin aims crap tablet at coke-snorting fashionistas

With tablets quickly becoming a plaything among the unwashed plebeian masses, something must be done to reassert its position as an elitist object of little apparent use.

Luckily, Pierre Cadin has saved the day. Taking a break from stitching expensive trousers, the French design house has focused its attention on black shiny rectangles with “The UK’s First Designer Tablet”. Thought that was the iPad?

Yes, the air-kissing, chain-smoking, vacuous bitch of the tablet world has arrived to make even iPad owners feel unworthy, except not really.

Watch the promotional video and coo at the bewildering high production-values – and tell yourself how you too can be the talk of Milan with the new tablet. 

In fact it seems that the tablet is remarkably well suited to that particular world. Its only camera, the front-facing  camera, is truly a boon for those prone to revelling in self-delight.  

And what better utensil than a tablet for a post-catwalk party powder mirror replacement? It’s handheld and it fits in your bag.  That flat surface will definitely come in handy. We hereby predict that capacitive touchscreens will become the mirror and razorblade of the twenty first century, with lines fervently hovered up while Angry Birds: Rio plays in the background.

There is one downside. The first designer tablet is unfortunately a bit on the chubby side.  But we reckon a diet of Diet Coke, Marlboro Lights and post salad-spewing sessions will have that in check by the time The UK’s First Designer Tablet 2 makes an appearance. At least thanks to its relative size it is hard to swallow.

We wondered if this was all mere japery on Pierre Cardin’s part, sending a hastily constructed press release to fool story-hungry journos at the height of silly season. 

After watching the tres chic brand video on the tablet’s website, which looks like the matrix gave Windows XP a private audition backstage, TechEye was almost certain the device was a joke. So we asked Pierre Cardin’s PR team if The UK’s First Designer Tablet was for real.

“Sorry, no it is not a joke,” came the reply, though we commend them on their decency in formally apologising. We are assured that the video on the website is out of date and this tablet is Android 2.2.

So even at the bargain price of £275 the Android running tablet is not for us. But at least it comes in an “uber cool black gift box”. Take a look at the spec sheet on the website, here.

Until either Hi-Tech, Dunlop, or, at a stretch, Gola start making tablets it is unlikely that any form of designer tablets will be gracing the TechEye offices in the near future – even if it is The UK’s First Desi……….