Canon builds self censoring puritan printer

Printer outfit Canon has created software which stops the great unwashed printing out rude words.

We all know how shocked printers can be when they are forced to print out words which might upset their tiny jets. Printers are delicate things and the use of the odd rude word often sends them into a funk which can last for days.

But the nice people at Canon have the answer to all your puritan printing needs. The Uniflow 5, the latest version of its document management system that can prevent users from printing or copying documents containing specific words.

All printers, scanners, copiers and multifunction devices are managed centrally so it is possible to decide on tablets of stone which words shall be deemed naughty in the sight of the management and enforce it.

The software allows a record to be kept of how many documents have been printed and by whom for billing purposes.

The system requires a Uniflow server and Uniflow-enabled Canon imaging devices. We are not sure if the software can recognise someone’s bottom and refuse to print that out too.

The administrator can prevent a user from attempting to print, scan, copy or fax a document containing other prohibited keyword, such as a client name, project codename or just filth.

The server will email the administrator a PDF copy of the document in question if a user attempts to do so so that the administrator can have the user’s mouth washed out with soap.

The system can optionally inform the user by email that their attempt has been blocked, and give them a chance to exit the building before the filth police catch up with them.

Uniflow 5’s keyword recognition uses optical character recognition (OCR) technology licensed from Belgian OCR firm Iris, technology more commonly used for turning scanned documents into editable text.

If you have a determined user you can get around it by adding 00s so printing out “f00uck 00f admin” will still get printed

Canon has not announced a date that Uniflow 5 will hit the shops or how much it will cost to bring in your very own newspeak machines.