Apple fanboy knights Apple designer

Apple fanboy, and British Prime Minister David “One is an Ordinary Bloke”  Cameron apparently used his new found powers to knight the bloke who designed Jobs’ Mob’s products.

Cameron, who thinks he can save the British Empire from the French by sticking all the UK’s secrets into Jobs’ Mob’s walled garden and run everything from his keyboardless netbook, has persuaded her Majesty the Queen to knight Jonathan Paul (Jony) Ive who has been the head of Apple’s design team.

Ive received a KBE, (Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire) and will be able to be called “sir”. While most KBE’s earn the title by bringing huge amounts of cash to Britain, Sir Ive got it for services to design and enterprise. It must be the first time that anyone has been knighted for making an American look good and making him bundles of  amounts of cash.

The UK has given Bill Gates an honorary knighthood, but since his country was involved in a French backed terrorist campaign against the Queen’s ancestors he can’t call himself Sir.

According to Reuters Ive said that the honour is “absolutely thrilling” and he was humbled and sincerely grateful.

He said that he discovered at an early age that all he ever wanted to do is design.

“I feel enormously fortunate that I continue to be able to design and make products with a truly remarkable group of people here at Apple,” he said.

The fact that Sir Ive is paid huge amounts of money to stay at Apple, and was rumoured to be leaving until the Jobs’ Mob board signed off on a large Golden Handcuff payment is nothing to do with his love of the company.

Ive is credited with helping the late Steve Jobs bring the consumer electronics company back from the brink of financial ruin in the late 1990s. It was him who came up with a design for the iMac computer, which originally came in bright colours. He, not Steve Jobs, designed the iPod, the iPhone and, most recently, the iPad.

It is the second time the Queen has been asked to give Ive a gong. He was awarded a Commander of the British Empire (CBE) honour in 2006 for achievements in British design and innovation.

To put Ive’s gong in perspective, it is the same honour that Bob Geldof got for arranging a shindig that saved thousands of Ethiopian lives. Tim Berners-Lee invented a little something called the information superhighway and got the same honour.  

The Tame Apple press seems furious that the Queen never felt the need to knight its messiah Steve Jobs, but instead heaped honours on his lackey instead. Perhaps that’s  because the Brits know that Jobs never really designed anything himself and was just a sharp marketeer. Although that would not explain why they gave a knighthood to Gates. Perhaps it is just that they didn’t like Jobs that much. Besides Ives studied design at Newcastle Polytechnic and started out life designing combs and power tools so he has come a long way.

With Jobs out of the way, it seems that the British hope that it will be Sir Ive that catches his mantle and Apple will become a British success story, unlike ARM, which has not been in the honours list for a while. Don’t mention Lou Gerstner.