Ye Booke of Tee-Es-Em-See


How Tee-Es-Em-See’s 20nm machine had feet of clay And among the Kings of the East there were none who stood as proud as Tee-Es-Em-See and the kings of all the technology industry sent him business. For was he not the cheapest and had the biggest number of slaves working for him than any other technology king? Was he not able to make anything their heart desired? And then the voice of MOORE did spake and say, “Yea, it is time for your chips to shrink, and let no-one maketh the chips of old. Come forth oh ye chipmakers and make thy chips of two score nm.” And lo, the Children of Apple, and the Children of Ah-Em-Dee did come forth unto Tee-Es-Em-See and say, maketh us thou the chips of two score nm. And King Tee-Es-Em-Say said that it should be done. And he made a machine whose height was threescore cubits, and the breadth thereof six cubits: he set it up in the plain of China. Then Tee-Es-Em-See was sent to gather together all the makers of hardware and did say “behold my mighty two score nm process and look upon it in terror. Kneel before it and place thy orders.” And the Children of Apple, and the Children of Ah-Em-Dee did place many orders, for Ah-Em-Dee was a bit stuck after Globalfoundries had been eaten by a cock up demon. And they were gathered together unto the dedication of the image that Tee-Es-Em-See the king had set up; and they stood before the machine that Tee-Es-Em-See had set up. Then a herald cried aloud, To you it is commanded, O people, nations, and languages, that at what time ye hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, dulcimer, and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the two score nm process golden image of Tee-Es-Em-See. For on the same hour many slaves will be cast off the tallest building in honour of the great machine. And sure enough, the people did bow, and the air was full of the cries of the slaves as they plunged to their deaths. Only the Children of In-Tel did not bow before the machine, for it sayeth. “Ta muchly, Tee-Es-Em-See, but we thanketh thee not for we have one of our own, and it is very nice.” But when Tee-Es-Em-See came to turn the machine on, it was silent. For it was just a machine that worketh not. Then the king commanded to call the magicians, and the astrologers, and the sorcerers, and the Chaldeans, for to shew the king his dreams. So they came and stood before the king and they could not make it work. And they calleth in Daniel the Engineer to look unto the mighty machine. And Daniel did look in unto the magic and did take a deep intake of breath and said: “Ooo hav you had working on this?” “This machine hath feet of clay. You know what that means, sunshine? That meaneth that you get all sorts of bits in your bits and it taketh bites out of your bytes,” he did spake and say. And Tee-Es-Em-See had to spend millions of shekles to maketh a new machine, but meanwhile the Children of Apple and the Children Ah-Em-Dee wondered where they would find the two score chips for their customers. Only the Children of In-tel were laughing for they had maketh the Ivy Bridge unto the promised land.