Ye Booke of Intel


In the beginning the IT world was formless and void and the Great God of Chips, Intel, spake and said “let there be transistors” and lo, there were transistors and Intel saw that they were good. 2. When they were not good, no one mentioned it and everyone was happy. But the transistors were two dimensional, as was the Great God of Chips, but all was well with the universe because all used his chosen tribe, the x86. At least those worth speaking of. 3. Intel was a mighty and terrible God which ate its own children and spat out the pips, but its x86 chips knew not the wide world. For they required the Power of the Lecky, least their LCD lights passeth forth. 4. And it was written in the Book of Tigger, that the Power of the PC is the Power of Intel and he who hath not power hath not the LCD light of Green. And people understood this Mystery not. 5. One who understood the Mystery not was the tribe of Arm. They liketh not the Chips of Intel and likened them unto the sperm of Stan, which is the true name of Satan. 6. And they said: “If we make our chips that need not the power then we can plug them in the battery of delight and taketh our email on the run.” 7. And so it came to pass that the land of IT was divided between those who wanted their computers to move and those who wanted them to have power. 8. And then the forces of Darkness did create the false profit Steve Jobs who did take the chips of Arm and heavily market them to those with skulls like cedars of Lebanon. And his followers did cry out for more chips from Arm and less of the Chips of Intel. 9. And the Great God Intel did look forth upon the mobile market and did spake and say “I’ll have some of that!” and he did go forth unto the Ar en Dee and did open the dimension the third and did call forth the transistor of the future. 10. He spake and sayeth: “I have built a bridge of Ivy which all will cross. This is my transistor which is most blessed, it shall allow my x86 to be unplugged and go forth into the world like the Chips of Arm.” 11. And the world press did rejoice at Intel’s creation and did hail it as if it were a miracle. 12. But Ah Em Dee did speak forth and say “Who will want to use this chip? For is not the hardware of the computer still 2D? Our chips already need not the power of Intel so what is the point?” 13. And the Foundries of Global agreed saying, “Let us not speak of this Bridge of Ivy for it is ahead of its time and no one will want it. But just in case it is not, we shall enter unto our own Ar en Dee and spend lots of gold to enter the third dimension.” 14. And the people of Tee Ess Em See did haughtly spurn the transistor of Intel as if it was a rabid dog. 15. “Speak not unto us of the transistors of 3D, they are toys for a child. When they have grown unto a man of at least 14 years, then come unto us with thine bleeding edge toys.” 16. And so it came to pass that those who followed Intel would think that the transistor was wonderful, even unto the bees knees. While the followers of Ah Em Dee did think that it was a pile of dog’s doo. 17. And nothing came to pass for many years. But there came forth a multidimensional cat that was neither dead or aliveth, and rolled up the third dimension as if it were a scroll.