The Revelation of AMD


The Revelation of John of Patmos, which God gave unto him, to shew unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass; and he sent and signified it by his angel unto his servant John after he eat a dish of mushrooms: Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of AMD and of all things that he saw. Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand. And I saw in the right hand of him that sat on the throne a book written within and on his backside, sealed with the great crown of the IT industry. And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, Who is worthy to open the book, and to become the King of the chip industry. And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Mighty Dragon having seven horns and 12 arses and legions of marketing consultants. And the Lord named him Chipzilla and gave him control of he Chipmarket. And it had x86 on its forehead. And he came and took the book out of the right hand of him that sat upon the throne and the book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders did say that it was not meet that the world was populated by one chipmaker and behold there came forth a serpent which did try to bite the Mighty Dragon. For it was predicted that Chipzilla would be undone by one who knoweth not his arse from his elbow and a serpent haveth neither. And it proveth to be true. At times the Dragon would win and at times the Serpent would sting him. And the name of the Serpent was AMD and it did have the x86 marked upon its forehead. Then the Serpent did swallow some graphics and burpeth in technicolour. And lo, for a moment the Chipzilla was perplexed and then it created graphics and could fart in technicolour and lo there was a great burping and farting in the chip industry. And then God decided that there would be a trinity and he did plant an acorn and from it sprang a mighty Arm, and it did maketh chips which could fly through the air and walk on the ground. And Chipzilla was afraid for although the Arm knoweth its elbow, it hadeth not an arse, or for that matter a Fab. And the Arm did ruleth mobile and did annoy Chipzilla muchly. And it came to pass that the Serpent decided that the reason Arm did so well was it hadeth not to deal with a Fab, and it did shed its skin and the skin was floggethed to the Princes of the Desert to maketh the Chips for the Serpent. But lo things went badly for the Serpent. First its head fell off and it could not grow another for some months. Then people likethed not its chips which were made by the Serpent’s skin in the desert. And the Serpent’s skin, which became known as Glofo, grew into a snake and it fell asleep in the desert sun and maketh not chips fast enough for the Serpent. And the Serpent was wroth and did talk unto to the Kings of the East, from the tribes of Gog and Magog and did asketh them to maketh their chips. And the Tribe of Magog, known in the East as Tee-Ess-Em-See, did agree to maketh the chips for AMD. But lo, when they looked at their plant it was too small to groweth the chips of AMD. But they did say “wait until next year and then our plant will be a mighty tree and we shall growth thine chips for thee”. But the Serpent did say “but have I not already pissethed off my own Skin for thee? Hath I not angered the Kings of the Desert to go with thee?” And Tee-Ess-Em-See spaketh and said “Feareth not for we are fairly sure that all will be well.”