How Ah-Em-Dee did flee the evil standard of In-Tel


1 Then the LORD said unto AH-EM-DE, Go in unto Pharaoh Bapco, and tell him, Thus saith the LORD God of the AH-EM-DE, Let my people go, that they may serve me. 2 For thou refuse to let them go, and wilt hold them still, with thy oppressive SYSmark of the Beast, which marketh only the Children of In-Tel 3 Behold, the hand of the AH-EM-DE is upon thy Kingdom Pharaoh Bapco and if the Children of AH-EM-DE shall depart they lands and refuse to have thy mark upon our hands and feet there shall be a very grievous murrain throughout the land. 4 And the LORD shall sever between the chips of In-Tel and the chips of Ah-Em-Dee: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children’s of Ah-Em-Dee. 5 And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, Tomorrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land. 6 And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the chips of In-Tel died: but of the cattle of the Tribe of the Chipmakers died not one. 7 And Pharaoh Bapco sent, and, behold, there was not one of the chip of the Ah-Em-Dee dead, yet there were many of Intel which did catcheth fire. And the heart of Pharaoh Bapco was hardened, he did not let the people go nor did he change his standard. 8 And the LORD said unto AH-EM-DE, Take to you handfuls of ashes of a badly overclocked PC, and let AH-EM-DE sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh Bapco. 9 And it shall become small dust in the components of chips and shall be an error overflow breaking forth with blains upon chips throughout all the land. 10 And they took ashes of the badly overclocked PC, and stood before Pharaoh Bapco; and AH-EM-DE sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became an error overflow breaking forth with blains upon the Chips of Intel. 11 And the R&D magicians of In-tel could not stand before AH-EM-DE because of the error which caused them to loseth sleep. But the Chips of Ah-EM-DEE were not effected by this error and seemed to be uneffected. 12 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh Bapco, and he hearkened not unto them and refused to change his standards. 13 And the LORD said unto AH-EM-DE, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh Bapco, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the AH-EM-DE, Let my people go, that they may serve me. 14 For I will at this time send all my plagues upon the chips of In-Tel, and upon those who carry thy mark so that thou mayest know that there is none like me in all the earth. 15 For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with viruses and Steve Jobs and thou shalt be cut off from the earth. 16 And in very deed for this cause have I raised thee up, for to shew in thee my power; and that my name may be declared throughout all the earth. 17 As yet exaltest thou thyself against my people, that thou wilt not let them go? 18 And Pharoah Bapco spake unto Ah-Em-Dee and saith: “Why doth your puny God trouble me. Do not my lands depend on the might of the Children of In-tel? Art thou just a drop in the bucket in comparison to Chipzilla’s might? 19 Where wast thou when Intel laid the foundations of the It Industry? Declare, if thou hast understanding. Who hath laid the standards thereof, if thou knowest? Or who hath stretched the line upon it? 20 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? Or who laid the corner stone of the IT industry thereof; 21 “When the morning stars sang together, and all the captains of the IT industry shouted for joy at the appearance of the first Chip? Wast it Ah-Em-Dee that commanded the Industry from its Fabs of morning light? Wast it Ah-Em-Dee that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the cash might be shaken out of it?” 23 “Thou moanest that I, Bapco only setteth my standard so that In-Tel be declared Great. Yet I say, Chipzilla is truly mighty and you art condemned to be a piddling little outfit which cryeth out undo the Children of the Desert for protection.” 24. Thus did Bapco spake and he realised that he careth not for the Tribe of Ah-Em-Dee, nor did he care for his other slaves, En-Vid-EE-AH nor Vi-Ah. For In-Tel was his only love. 25. And so he spake and said: “Go forth and multiply Children of Ah-Em-Dee and taketh thy chums En-Vid-EE-AH and Vi-Ah with thee. For my Kingdom shalt be only for those who write In-Tel in the tablets of their hearts. 26. And Ah-Em-Dee spake and said: “Right, we shall just pack”