AMD declares all out war on Nvidia

Yesterday, October 23, 2013 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of Nvidia was suddenly and deliberately attacked by GPU and FUD forces of the Empire of AMD.

Nvidia was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of AMD, was still in conversation with its management and its Emperor Raja Koduri looking toward the maintenance of peace in the high-end GPU market.

Indeed, one hour after AMD GCN squadrons had commenced bombing in the Nvidian island of Kepler, the AMDese Ambassador to Nvidia and his colleague delivered to our CEO a formal reply to a recent Nvidian message. And, while this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of price war or of armed attack.

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from AMD’s homeland makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time the AMD management has deliberately sought to deceive Nvidia by false statements, benchmarks, prices and expressions of hope for continued peace.

The attack yesterday of Volcanic Islands has caused severe damage to Nvidia’s high-end and ultra-high-end forces. I regret to tell you that very many Nvidian sales and margins have been lost. In addition, Nvidian flagships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

Yesterday the AMDese Government also launched an attack against our AIBs.
Last night AMDese forces attacked Titan.
Last night AMDese forces attacked Kepler.
Last night AMDese forces attacked the GK110.
Last night the AMDese attacked our margins.
And this morning the AMDese attacked the GTX 780.

AMD has therefore undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the high-end area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of Nvidia have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our business model.

As Chief Executive Officer of Nvidia I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense, that always will our whole company remember the character of the onslaught against us.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the Nvidian people, in their righteous might, will win through to absolute victory.

I believe that I interpret the will of the Board and of the fanboys when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our sales, our AIBs and our margins are in grave danger.

With confidence in our GPU designers, with the unbounding determination of our marketing team, we will gain the inevitable triumph. So help us DirectX.

I ask that the Board declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by AMD on Thursday, October 23, 2013, a state of war has existed between Nvidia and the AMDese Empire.

President and CEO Jen Hsun Huang – October 24, 2013.