Ye Booke of Lamentations of ye Cisco Kidd

 

Ye BOOKE of LAMENTATIONS of ye CISCO KIDD 1. These are the words of John Chambers, known to some as the Cisco Kidd, to whom the word of the LORD came in the days of King Ballmer. 2. Before there was an Internet, lo there was Networking and as the World Wide Web camest forth, I sanctified it and made Cisco a profit unto the nations. 3. And yet the LORD came unto me and warned that out of the North an evil shall break forth upon all the inhabitants of the Land of Cisco. 4. For, lo, shall the markets change until consumers and not businesses shall rule the roost. And he who hath not a consumer strategy shall languish and their knees shall shake. And these consumer barbarians will decide which companies are successful and which shall die. 5. Thou therefore gird up thy loins, and arise, and speak unto thy staff all that I command thee: be not dismayed at their faces, lest I confound thee before them. 6. Taketh though the PC and compose the email of prophecy which I shall dictate. 7. For, behold, I have made thee this day a defensed city, and an iron pillar, and brazen walls against the whole land, against the consumerists, against the princes thereof, against the Priests of Jobs and against the great unwashed with their desire for shiny trinkets. 8. And I cried out unto the LORD and said: 9. “But the consumer market is not what Cisco does, for is it not written in our corporate statement that we are pants at making consumer gear?” 10. But the LORD replied: “If I wanted you to make overpriced tat and flog it to brain dead shallow morons, I would be the God of the Apple people. Nay, stay thy hand. For there are Four foundations on which I will re-build Cisco. Take up thy pen and write to staff the words I have given unto you:” 11. And thus, I John Chambers, known unto the world writeth this Lamentation unto Staff. 12. Who is the wise man, that may understand this? And who is he to whom the mouth of the LORD hath spoken, that he may declare it, for what his company perisheth and is burned up like a wilderness, that none passeth through? 13. And the LORD saith, Because they have forsaken my four laws which I set before them, and have not obeyed my voice, neither walked therein; 14. They have entered unto the domain of the shallow. They have forsaken networking in the hope of earning a fast buck from the consumers. Therefore write my four laws upon tablets of stone and place these above your desk. 15. The first Law is to concentrate on Network routing and switching, for although only I know how completely boring it is, it makes good cash. 16. The second Law is buildith tools of business collaboration. These are pointless but businesses buy them without engaging brain. 17. The third law is to place thy faith in the cloud, for there are a lot of people who think it will make money and while there are those suckers they will wanteth for network gear, even unto shedloads. 18. The fourth law is to focus on computer system architecture, for is it not written that he whose circuits are good shall ruleth the world. 19. Finally thou shalt look at video communication as people want to see who they are talking too. 20. Write these laws upon the tablets of thine heart and fire thou the staff which do not do these things. Thus you will save money. 21. And after I had written this email I did praise unto the Lord for he hath given me four laws to rule the people of Cisco. 22. Only after I had pressed send I realised that the Lord hath given me six laws and not five. I guesseth this is the problem if you are a God who hath not physical hands upon which to count.