Ye Booke of HP


Ye Booke of HP Chapt XXI How the Board of Ech-Peh did defeat their common sense and hire a new queen And it came to pass that the children of Ech-Peh were ruled by a board who feared common sense and it didst a dose of the clap. And they did cast forth their common sense unto the wilderness to gnash its teeth forever more. After expelling the evil but winsome Witch of Wendor, for being too successful by taking over the Kingdom of Compaq, the Board of Ech-Peh did hire Mark Hurd for their King. Hurd made all the right noises and did cutteth the places were things aught to be cut. But the board became alarmed after he started to wine and dine former whores of the Hollywood Babylon on expenses. And so they cast him forth, yea even unto the arms of Oracle where he did much harm unto them as a mercenary to King Ellison. So the Ech-Peh board did cast around and did look for a person who would be even more ridiculous to hire. For they did say amongst themselves “Hath we not had a Winsome Witch, and a winer and diner of soft-porn stars, how can we toppeth this rubbish and maketh a hat trick.” And they chose for themselves Apothiker for he had no skills in hardware and worketh for a company who made expensive software which many understood not. And lo, was he not even German and therefore genetically predisposed to be dull. And Apothiker sat upon his throne and after he had made it go up and down several times and spun around more than a hundred times he did cometh forth with a plan which pleased the board very much. Apothiker wanted to cast off the hardware of Ech-Peh and to flog its only connection unto the lucrative mobile field. “Was I not the King of SAP? Therefore Ech-Peh is becoming SAP and must cast off its hardware robes and become a cryptic management software outfit.” And the board did grin and did feast mightly on these words. For it looked like that under the reign of King Apothiker their common sense would never return and they were headed to greater heights of stupidity that they would ever have managed before. But the press, and the shareholders said unto the board, “what is it with these stupid ideas? Getteth rid of this Apothiker clown and take thy place as the rulers of the word again.” But the board was perplexed for they wished not common sense to enter their company for once it was entered it was hard to banish and left marks on the rug. But they could not be seen to ignore the great unwashed who might overthrow them and so they sacked Apothiker. And again they did speak amongst themselves and say, how shall we appoint a King who will keep our common sense at bay? And they looked amongst themselves to see if they could find someone who was daft enough to lead them and they chose Meg Whitman to be their Queen because she was remarkably like the winsome Witch of Wendor. Was she not daft enough to stand as a Republican candidate for California, which is proof that she hadeth no common sense gland in her body? The Board was impressed by the fact she had little grasp on finances. Had she not spent a fortune to lose to a Democrat. Had she not the morals of Mark Hurd? Had she not been good at hiring migrant staff illegally and then not paid them as they expected? Had she not been forced to settle lawsuits for making insider stock deals and had she had to settle a case of shoving a female employee? Indeed, she will be a Queen worthy of a company who maketh printer ink which is more expensive than Gold and, while she is our CEO, we will have no fears of our common sense returning. And they did crack open the Champers and did drink of the fizzy cup, but dutifully reported it on expenses.