Ye book of Revelation of Novell



1 And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.2  And I saw, and behold a MIGHTY VOLE and he that sat on him did bellow like the voice of hell the cry of “DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS” and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.3  ¶  And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see.4  And there went out another horse whose rider wore a black turtle neck jersey and did emanate such smugness. Power was given to him that sat thereon on the necks of the press, even unto the New York Times, so that they would sing his praises. 5  ¶ And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a a faceless rider who held a large sack with the mystical name Emsea upon it.  And within the sack was all the private data in the world. 6  ¶ And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see.8  And I looked, and behold a mighty barge and his name that sat upon it was the Mighty Oracle El-er-Syn and he flew jet planes even unto the ends of the Earth. 9  And power was given unto them over Novell, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. 9  ¶ And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of Novell’s founders cry out with a loud voice, saying, “Wherefor O Lord, holy and true, didst the fruit of our labour, our creativity and patents with which we ruled the world.”11  And retirement watches and handshakes of gold were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that the fruits of their IP shall be given unto the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, to further terrorise the world in the name of GOD. 12  ¶ And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;13  And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind, for do not figs do that to a woman?14  And behold there came forth a man of Marketing even Nigel Dessau whose word was law in the annals of Am-Dee.  For Dessau readeth the tablet of TechEye and liketh it not.15  For it was written that the people of Am-Dee wrote their blogs not and instead they were written by Dessau even unto the last full stop.16 And Dessau did snarl in the place of Twitter “Is it not so that TechEye maketh everything up? Are not the people of Am-Dee slaving away at their blogs as I speak?”17 And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains in fear.16.  And said to the mountains and rocks, fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne of marketing, and from the wrath of the Am-Dee.17. But the people of TechEye did reply that it was sodding true and Dessau knew it.  And disappeared unto the pub never to be seen until Monday morning.18. Thus are the words.