The TechEye Guide to Eurochaos

Anonymous: Bankers without names who are not subject to Double Dip Recessions (qv).

Brussels: Home to unelected vegetables who once a month move the whole caboodle to Strasbourg, home of stuffed geese.

Balls, Ed: Labour comedian with a nice patter about quantitative easing.

Bank of England: The home of quantitative easing (qv).

BBC Radio 4: Chatterbox, a new way of Antisocial Notworking (qv).

Cameroon: The currency of the Prime Minister of the UK. There are 10 Osbournes to a Cameroon franc.

DeFacebook: A way to lose fiends (qv) fast.

Double Dip Recession: Misery multiplied by two.

Drachma: A device to cause quantitative easing (qv) located in Greece and based on local currency, the Ouzo (see Euro).

Euro: Currency that lets you buy a packet of cigarettes at half the price a packet costs at Heathrow Airport (qv).

Eurozone: Located in your bladder, can only be successfully disposed of by quantitative easing (qv).

Fiends: Former friends turned into enemas.

Fright:  1. Your shock at paying the prices charged at Heathrow Airport (qv).  2. Your shock at paying Fuel Tax (qv) when you take a fright from Heathrow Airport abroad (qv).

Fuel Tax: Tax payed by the plebs, which proportionally is more than that paid by very rich people who can even afford Frights (qv) from Heathrow Airport (qv).

Goldmine Sex: Love in a tunnel.

Heathrow Airport: The ultimate home of unit of currency, the Scoundrel (§).  A Scoundrel is made up of 100 Rascals (®).  So, for example, if a pint of bitter costs £3.30 in an ordinary English pub, and if a packet of 20 cigarettes costs £7.50 in an ordinary English tobacconist, the equivalent amounts in Heathrow are §5 and §10, respectively.  Scoundrels and Rascals are not in the Eurozone (qv).

Granny Tax: Tax proposed by UK politicians on women aged 60 years or over.

Hippo: A big mammal.

IPO: A big float. Independent Public Offering (see Heathrow).

Quantitative Easing:  After quaffing several pints, there is a quantity of liquid that needs to be disposed of in the Eurozone.

Pasty Tax (SP): Tax imposed on strong French drink at Heathrow Airport (qv).  

Poor House: A house unaffected by Quantitative Easing.

SOAP: Independent Public Hippo (qv)

TeaCozy:  The ex-President of France.