Russia bans Pirate Party for being rum-guzzling seafarers

The spread of the Pirate Party on an international scale has hit a rock thanks to some staggeringly bureaucratic reasoning by the Russian government.

Russian authorities have decided to ban the party from entering the political sphere after taking the organistion’s name a tad too literally, knocking back a recent registration request.

According to the Moscow Times the Russian Justice Ministry has stopped the Pirate Party from registering as a legitimate organisation for fear that the entire political system is about to be overrun by rum-swilling, peglegged Long John Silver impersonators in their legion.

While most are aware that the party is a political movement started by a group of Swedish landlubbers to focus on the digital era, Russian authorities would have you believe PP members are not fit for governing as “current legislation defines piracy as an attack on a sea or river craft, which is a criminal offense,” and are surely more suited to sailing the highseas on the hunt for pieces of eight along with other pirating cliches.

Of course a Pirate Party spokesperson was quick to downplay talk of any seafaring connections.

“The name, the Pirate Party reflects an ideology accepted worldwide,” said Lola Voronina, Chief Administrative Officer of Pirate Parties International.

“We are not a party of pirates who attack maritime and river ships to steal other people’s property.

“Could they regard two European deputies from Sweden’s Pirate Party and many other pirate parties across the globe as criminals?”

Russian PP leader Pavel Rassudov said that the government’s attempt to label the 15,000 card-carrying members as Blackbeard was an insult to members of the party which maintain seats in the European Parliament rather than sailing the seven seas.

“According to the Justice Ministry’s logic, European lawmakers are criminals, too,” Rassudov said, speaking from the top deck of his 17th century galleon, adding that the reasons given by the government are in fact a smokescreen for attempting to keep new players out of the political system.